Who am I? - reading

Hello all again, greetings from Europe and Egypt. For the first time in 15 years, I had a chance to take a break longer than a month and boy did I enjoy it! Anyhow, let's move on straight to today's spread that I devised. It's about exploring yourself.

Me, myself and I

What is my core personality like? QUEEN OF CUPS. 

This Queen lives in the world of emotions, positive and negative. Everything in life is experienced through emotions first and foremost, not through logic and analysis, for example. Emotions can sometimes take over and be difficult to control. This Queen spends her time in experiencing and exploring different 'vibrations', living every day in the heart rather than in the head. Intuitive and introvert rather than logical and extrovert.

What makes me happiest in life? 6 SWORDS Rev. 

6 Swords upright is a card of leaving worries and turbulent thoughts behind, but reversed, it doesn't simply mean "arrival of worries". Rather I read it to mean - arrival of thoughts. I do love learning, reading, conversing... all methods of finding new information and things to ponder. This could also mean "ditching worries", the thoughts (swords) are not in the boat at all but are tipped over and vanish for good.

What strength do I have I take for granted? MAGICIAN.

The Magician is someone who can turn thoughts, plans and ideas into reality - can make things happen. The Magician does not only dream of new things or new directions, s/he brings them forward and makes them reality. Some people read the Magician as a con artists, but I don't believe in that interpretation as a sweeping generalisation. Sometimes the Magician can be a negative card, but the core meaning for me is: someone who can manifest their will in the world and take action to follow through.

What unhelpful personality trait or aspect I have successfully left behind? MOON Rev.

The Moon usually points to fears and illusions, things being hazy and unclear, coloured by our own imagination and instinctive, even primal fears. For years, I used to suffer from "existential panic attacks", fear of death in other words. Eventually, with a lot of help from tarot, I "grew out" of it, I don't delve in the otherworld (or the end of life) that excessively. The easing of the fear of death has also eased other fears - after all, excessive fear of death is survival instinct gone mad and that overdrive or agitation triggers all sorts of other fears too.

What is my most beneficial personality trait from others' perspective? 8 CUPS.

I don't hold grudge or regrets, I move on. 8 Cups is a card of leaving an emotionally draining or negative situation behind for good, going on a quest to seek for new fulfilment. There's no delving in negativity or memories, there's straightforward action of putting a stop to it and moving on.

What is my most beneficial personality trait for myself? WORLD.

The will and keenness to learn, to complete, to become the best possible version of myself. The World is a card of achievements, completion, lessons learned, things coming together to form a whole book instead of individual chapters or sentences. It is not so much about ambition but the will to do and know what there is to do and know, to elevate oneself to the next level of understanding and experiences.

Who am I growing to be (what direction is my personality evolving)? 9 SWORDS

9 Swords is a card of excessive worrying, losing sleep over troubles or issues that, in fact, are not that serious after all. This is a card I don't really recognise in this position. Yes, I occasionally worry about all sorts of matters in life and love, but I don't think it's taking over other personality traits. This card often pops up for me, though, in situations where the answer is "duh, you know it, don't ask." It's like tarot's "quit being helpless, will ya?". My deck seems as blunt as I am :D

I feel I'm evolving and maturing in general so I sort of knew the answer and indeed, I got a clarifying card the Strength: the card of zen, control of emotions and impulses with willpower.

What should I do more to support my growth? 2 PENTACLES.

2 Pentacles is a card of a balancing act, juggling two things that are of equal importance. It can talk about two people, or it can mean work/life balance, or other matters that require equal focus. For me this card has a personal meaning and it talks about my professional career and my "side career" of a range of creative undertakings, including this blog and tarot services: live both sides of life to the fullest with equal attention and no neglect.

What should I stop doing to support my growth? QUEEN OF SWORDS.

This Queen is analytical, clear-headed, straightforward and honest to the point of being blunt. This Queen lives her life through head and analysis: no stone is left unturned, no emotion unanalysed, no motifs, words or actions without scrutiny. I usually identify with this Queen because she's not just an analyser and thinker, she's also a communicator, observer of life and love. However, recently I've been slipping on the side of overanalysing (other people's words and actions and my own feelings regarding those) so it's not healthy to get stuck  in one's own head.

General advise for a better life? 7 WANDS.

Stand your ground, be brave in what you believe in, protect and defend what you hold valuable. 7 Wands is the card of valiant action, standing one's ground even when others are against it, or defending a cause that is under attack. Or, going on with one's plans when others don't support them. One of the most difficult things in life is to find your own standing, to trust your own view when others criticise or attack it, openly or subtly. I think we are all here learning to do exactly this: not to bend under pressure but make our own judgements about what is good and bad, right and wrong, worth stepping up.

I hope this spreads provides insights for self exploration and growth!

Happy light midsummer for the Northern Hemisphere readers!