New Year 2019 - happy healing!

The turn of the year is traditionally a time to reflect the past and anticipate and plan the future. Divination has been a part of new year traditions in many cultures for aeons.

For example, my family used to do tin casting, melting of little horse shoes made of tin, to predict the coming year based on the shadow the melted lump would cast on the wall. My parents have never been believers in divination, really, but that was a fun and family-friendly tradition we always did in the late evening of the New Year's Eve, before venturing out to watch the fireworks in the snow.

Instead of horse shoes or melting metal, these days I'm more interested in the messages Tarot cards can deliver. For next year, I decided to take a look what I could focus on in terms of inner and outer healing; repairing or improving something in my outlook in life.

Here's a 9-card example reading if you'd like to try this at home.

What I need to heal in 2019 and why? 7 PENTACLES RX - ACE OF WANDS RX

I need to heal my impatience, the forever-present feeling that things should already be happening and I should already be reaping the rewards even if I just started something new. Projects, ideas, new life stages naturally need time to unfold and mature and hurrying up this process is like trying to force a plant to grow - useless. Everything will grow taking its time. Feeling impatient, frustrated or trapped by it is equally useless. Breath, relax, calm down, put in the effort but also remember to allow time for baby steps and quiet, slow progress.

Why is it important to learn patience? Without it, I quickly burn out my enthusiasm and zest. Ideas and plans spark to life and die as quickly, without leaving any mark to the world, if I don't have the patience and grit to carry them out fully. Even if it takes twice as long as I anticipated or would like.

What are the best steps to take to heal? 9 CUPS - 6 WANDS

Enjoy daydreaming and revelling in wishes, hopes, plans and past positive memories. Letting the mind wander and wonder is essential for anything new to come to life - new plans, ideas, projects, steps. Sometimes relaxing and simply accepting life as it is, finding the beauty in the everyday, are the best breeding grounds for the new seeds. Cats nap most of their day, preserving energy and enjoying the warmth of the sun or home hearth. Why not follow these masters' suit?

Enjoy the successes you've already experienced and about to experience; allow yourself to be happy and proud when acknowledged by others for your hard work or skills. Recognition should never be the ultimate goal as anything external is fleeting, but it can help build confidence and determination to achieve what you want to achieve.

What are the most likely obstacles for my healing? 10 SWORDS - TOWER RX

Wow, dramatic! Seems like the biggest obstacles are the possibility of taking things too seriously, being overtly dramatic about things not going my way, and feeling like everything's failing or collapsing when in reality, nothing of that magnitude is going on. Again, the message of patience, calming down and taking it easy repeats but in a different iteration.

Even if I feel stuck, directionless or aimless, I shouldn't give in to the feelings of desperation. There's absolutely no need to feel that strongly about inevitable setbacks and delays. Just breathe, stay focused, stay on track. If things start going drastically wrong in any area of life, step back and regroup instead of throwing yourself into an emergency mode.

How will my life be different after I heal? PAGE OF CUPS RX - 2 PENTACLES RX - STRENGTH

I will no longer feel emotionally immature or like I'm a juggler failing at my performance. Healing this aspect of myself will improve my inner and outer strength, perseverance, the ability to stay focused and keep any instinctive knee-jerk reactions at check. My life will be less hectic, less reactionary, and more serene. Not a bad result to work towards to!

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Follow your Star to a happier life. Star, Shadowscapes Tarot

Compare options with tarot

A few years back, I worked on a global online tarot site for ~ six months and was reasonably popular - got a few questions every day - but I was eventually "kicked out" for not scoring enough customers, meaning earning enough for the site. The reason could have been I wasn't willing to work harder, advertise myself everywhere; or that I wasn't willing to dangle answers and request the customer to pay extra to get the whole story. Nevertheless, during that stint I got questions from all over the world and got a great glimpse on what kind of concerns people everywhere share.

The most common question I got and still get as a tarot reader is an iteration of: what should I do in situation x? Situation x can relate to work, love, relationships, finding one's passion/vocation... More than lazy solutions and windfall victories people seek direction. We all fear wrong decisions and crave for certainty on what we're about to decide, will deliver, be as promised, be The Right Choice.

Normally, in a decision situation, there are options, even if one option is "do nothing". Tarot is a great tool for comparing options and potential pathways. I've found that instead of asking yes/no questions about "is this a good decision?" it's far more informative to ask: "if I do x, how will I feel [in x amount of time]?" Short and sharp yes/no questions are notoriously difficult to answer with pictures that blabber more than 1000 words. But, exploring emotions, feelings, states of being... for that, cards work beautifully.

Completely regardless of whether you believe cards deliver divine guidance or simply unlock your own subconscious knowledge, this question and answer combo seem to work. Wherever the answer comes from, I've found it to be reasonably accurate. Here's a worked example of a dilemma I'm currently facing: whether to apply for a job that I in some ways feel could be a great match, but also think might make me overworked and overstressed. 

Compare options with tarot

1. If I decide to apply for job 1, what will follow? EIGHT OF CUPS

This card is about leaving behind an unsatisfactory situation; something you invested a lot of emotions in, but didn't deliver. This shows the ambiguity of tarot: does it mean I won't get the job (leading to a disappointment) or I'll move on in life, from an old job that clearly is not the best fit, otherwise I wouldn't be looking for anything new?

Ambiguity can be a blessing in disguise. If I knew for a fact I won't get this job, I wouldn't even bother applying and perhaps wouldn't dare to try anything similar either, making me feel more stuck. When I don't know for sure, it allows a chance, hope, attempt, that in turn can help me become better at job search in general.

2. If I get job 1, how will I feel in it initially? QUEEN OF SWORDS

I'd feel like on top of my game, using my wits to understand and crack problems, answer questions, find information, slice through any confusion with my razor-sharp sword of a mind. That doesn't sound in any way bad. Except... I might not be emotionally invested or committed, given that this card talks purely about logic, rationality, matters of the mind.

3. If I get job 1, how will I feel in it in a year's time? EMPRESS

Personally, I think the Empress is the best card in the deck because it's about creation, expansion, Mother Nature, feeling blessed and happy. Job 1 is about real estate, including tackling homelessness, so I might even feel motherly, helping people find their own nest, stand on their own feet.

4. If I stay in job 2, how will I feel in it initially? 7 OF SWORDS

This card has a bad rap as it's seen as the "thief" card: someone's taking what is not theirs. To me personally this card has often meant "research": gathering others' swords (thoughts and words) for my own purposes. This particular card shows a ferret arming its nest with swords - does it mean it's preparing for a fight, or just gathering resources for tough times? Either way, this card doesn't feel negative but not quite positive either. There's something underhanded in it. I'd probably be spending time looking for other opportunities: if I stay, I would still try to find something else/better.

5. If I stay in job 2, how will I feel in it in a year's time? 10 CUPS

This is the family and community card. It's about belonging, feeling loved and loving, happy, living the perfect life. On the outset it looks like this is the best answer I could get: "stay, of course, you'll find happiness!" I can see this happening, as I currently have a great team, even if the job content itself is a bit draining. Feeling like an integral part of a community is very much a possibility. Comparing the Empress and 10 Cups is not easy, because they are both great. That in my view means: "either way it goes, you'll be happy". Well, isn't that just what we all want to hear about decisions!

6. What is job 1 really about? EMPEROR

I added this question because I wanted to understand what would be the most essential element or most prominent emotion attached to job 1. The job description and advert can say one thing, but what's really going on might be something totally different.

The card shows a silverback gorilla ruling over his kingdom, very emperor-like. That actually is my understanding of the job: it involves negotiating with contractors, "ruling over a kingdom", and that's the reason I'm hesitating whether to apply. I've been in a workplace that was saturated with "emperor-energy", stereotypical male traits of dominance, competition, rationality over emotional connections, and drive to win financially and materially. I'm not 100% sure I want to return to a similar environment as I found it energy-draining, meaningless.

On the other hand, an emperor can also be a good ruler, just and fair leader who champions for the benefit of all his/her subjects. An interesting card - and reading - overall!

Animal Totem tarot

Happy, fearless New Year!

It sounds to me quite a few people had a hectic, hard or draining year 2017, same applies to me. I drifted out of tarot, somehow just did not feel interested. Funnily enough, at the same time a weird, round dry patch the size of a coin appeared in my forehead at the spot of the third eye. As if my body was saying "you're drying up your ability to see deeper". I don't know if that was the real message - or if there was a message, not just a coincidence - but it did get me thinking.

As the longer-term readers of this blog know, I hover at the border of science and spirituality and sometimes feel more inclined to rely on science 100%, sometimes feel like there's deeper layers behind what we currently know. For example, I just read a hugely captivating book by Harvard University astrophysicist Lisa Randall, who specialises in dark matter and dark energy. The current calculations show that of our universe, only 5% is visible matter. The rest is dark matter or rather, undetectable matter (not the same as black holes, which are incredibly-tightly condensed ordinary matter) and dark energy, or undetectable energy potential.

Dr Randall talks about "matter-racism", meaning that it's quite condescending from us humans to assume we even should be able to detect and measure everything. Why should us, a random species on a random planet, have developed such incredibly apt or multidimensional senses and intelligence that we could have access to every possible particle type and interaction that takes place in the virtually boundless universe?

Anyhow, got carried away, that's not my topic! Given it's the New Year's eve, many of us are probably thinking about New Year resolutions. Resolution implies change, something that we wish to do differently, leave behind or start doing. And what is normally on the way of change? Fear. If change was easy, we probably wouldn't even call it change, it would just be a normal course of the everyday.

Fear is something I've been thinking a lot lately. Not on a personal level as much, but at the society's level. Politicians in particular in the US seem to be exploiting and cultivating fear for political gain and that, in my opinion, is the low blow for the human intelligence (not to mention ethics). Eliciting fear is easy, because we naturally want to avoid danger. And, unfortunately, many leaders exploit this natural response.

The unknown, uncertain, new or different can easily elicit a fearful response. What I think is a true measure of maturity is our ability to recognise and handle fear. Any three-year-old can be scared; it's instinctive. But it takes a mature, level-headed person to be able to say "calm down, let's take a proper look at this. Things are not that bad. Maybe we just misunderstood, or can change things so they are less scary?"

When is fear needed and when it's not? In some situations, fear is handy. It's better to be cautious when attempting something risky, such as crossing a dodgy bridge somewhere high up in the mountains. But, even then, is fear really keeping us safe? A spoonful or sprinkle of fear can be a good thing, but fear can also paralyse. In particular when it comes to a life change. Better the devil you know, they say, but are wrong.

Why would it be better to stick with something undesirable, unsatisfactory or even downright unhealthy just because the unknown devil can also be bad? If it turns out to be, then, a new change is required, until things are better. Life by definition is a series of events where an organism attempts to adapt to and thrive in its circumstances. If that does not happen, there's no life. We only have inorganic matter: dead weight.

Here's a New Year's spread to study fear, what to let go and how to let go. 

As a "worked example" with my own responses.

1. What unfounded fear do I have? KNIGHT OF DISKS (PENTACLES)

I fear being stuck in a rut, having to repeat the same things every day. Slow and steady in my mind often means slow and tedious. That is very true and that is perhaps my worst fear. Even this blog is themed Tarot for Change, because I often value change higher than routine, newness over continuity.

2. How can I best let go of that fear? SEVEN OF SWORDS

This is an unexpected answer. Many people interpret 7 Swords as a card of underhanded moves and manipulation, as it depicts a person stealing swords from others. However, I've learned that for me this card often means "research", finding and taking others' ideas (swords) for my own purposes. To overcome the fear of the rut I should exercise my mind, learn more about techniques to tolerate routine and perhaps spice up the everyday with unexpected moves.

3. What will change in  my life if I overcome the fear? THREE OF CUPS

I'll find new or old friends to connect with. 3 Cups is a card of get-togethers, friendship, celebration and connection with like-minded people. Well, that's an absolutely positive outcome!

4. How can I live more fearlessly overall? ACE OF STONES (PENTACLES)

This card shows a boulder and the card's traditional meaning is tangible, physical opportunities and gifts. I think it reminds me to be grounded. There's no need to let fears run havoc. Just stay down-to-earth, take each day as it comes, enjoy the physicality. Fear is, after all, preservation instinct running overdrive: we are only frightened when we fear - consciously or subconsciously - pain or death. But, being a physical creature also has benefits and joys, not only fears about potential harms and risks.

5. How can I help others overcome their fears? THREE OF WANDS

This card traditionally shows a person gazing at the sea, to the approaching ships. It means planning, looking towards the future, having taken the first steps towards something bigger and better. I can help others by reminding them about the potential for expansion: when life is not bound and constricted by fears, it can be larger, bolder, louder, fresher; what we choose to make of it.

Have a fun and fearless New Year and a fortunate year 2018!

How to deal with other people's difficult issues?

As this blog suggests, I spend a lot of time thinking about happiness. It's my research topic from the angle: how does the environment affect people's happiness (or well-being, quality of life), positively and negatively? Even though I study the built and natural environment, I also think about the social environment, meaning other people.

I believe one of the major life lessons for everyone is to find the right balance between independence and interdependence. How to be our own persons, standing on our own feet, but not push others away in the process? How to ask, receive and give help without becoming clingy, interfering or irritating? How to build our own life, yet be inclusive to others? How to know where the boundaries lie?

Why is this important - or, as I think, one of the most important lessons in life? Because whether we find that balance or not, has a direct and immediate impact on happiness: our own and others.

I used to stress a lot about other people's problems. If a family member was struggling with something (a health problem, an unrewarding job, relationship issues), I'd spend days and nights trying to come up with a solution to help them become happier - or, at least, less unhappy.

Often, that was a source of mutual, accumulating frustration. I would get upset that my family member wouldn't take my advice, and I saw that as obstinate, pessimistic or lackadaisical. Whereas the person I tried to help probably saw me as interfering, overbearing or bossy. I only realised a few years ago that I can't possibly solve everyone's issues and people are, at times, unhappy. The only one who can resolve the unhappiness is the unhappy person themselves.

Not everyone is ready to do it, for myriads of reasons: not everyone sees what's the real source of their unhappiness; they don't want to face the truth; they assume/hope things will improve due to the hoped actions of other people/fortune; they don't believe (yet) that things even could change; or they're worn out by their problems and can't solve it just now.

What helped me realise I can't carry the burden of others' issues was twofold:

• I believe everyone has their own life lessons to learn and if somebody else's lessons relate to overcoming obstacles or experiencing unhappiness, stuckness, apathy, etc. so be it; and
• other people are not my extension and vice versa. 

What decisions my loved ones make, is not actually up to me to change. Of course, self-destructive behaviour and unhealthy decisions need to be raised and if possible, stopped. But, at the end, there's only so much outsiders can do to stop an adult from making (good or bad) decisions and living an unhappy life - other than politely offer support and conversation company.

An example. I feel that some family members are overeating, overdrinking, taking unnecessary risks or overly engaged in a conservative religious mindset (the former and the latter relatives are not the same, btw ;) ). I used to stress about those to no end. What could I do to change things? How could I help/force them to see that they are harming themselves by either creating health issues, or by creating social division and discord with their loud views?

The answer: I can't do much. I can only point it out politely and diplomatically, but I can't make anyone change. Change must come from each of us within. If these people don't see a problem in their lifestyle even after repeated discussions, then the only thing I can do is to learn live with it. Change myself, if possible, or disengage, if needed.

However, herein lies the problem: we can't force anyone to change, but I think it's our responsibility to offer a sounding board or a mirror to other people - and expect / allow others offer that to us. How could the people around us ever know we disapprove, if we don't tell it (politely and with a reasoned justification)?

I've also been guilty - and still am - for not raising issues, because I don't want to offend or cause a conflict. But withdrawal actually steals a chance from both parties to learn, grow, change for better.

Here's a spread to examine,

how to more fruitfully deal with someone else's issue?

1. What's the best way to raise the matter with the other?
2. What response can I expect, if I raise it?
3. How to best deal with the response?
4. What sort of a plan I could propose to move forward?
5. What will happen, if I don't raise it?
6. How can I offer better support?
7. How does the other person feel about his/her issue?

We are all different, yet we should be able to live peacefully side by side. Not an easy task!

How to treat the risk of failure

One of my almost-daily routines is hanging out at Aeclectic Tarot Forum, which is an online discussion board for anyone interested in tarot and wanting to practice their reading skills and intuition in general.

I have shifted from other social media to AT, because in the tarot community, the focus is on self-improvement and helping others, whereas Facebook and other platforms are nowadays flooded with bad news, disrespectful language, trolling and other negative traits this species of ours can exhibit.
The more time I spend on Facebook, the more agitated and annoyed I get, whereas with AT, the more benevolent and refreshed I feel - it's funny what a big difference the language, attitude and ambience of a forum can make.

Because AT is anonymous, people discuss their issues openly. One of the common underlying currents of discussions is "I want to do thing X, but my family/friends/social circles oppose/ridicule/don't approve it". No person is an island and whatever people around us say and think, affects us. positively or negatively. But. How can we ever achieve anything in life, if we put too much emphasis on other people's opinions?

For instance, I want to be a novelist one day. I have supportive and encouraging people around, but also those who don't think I can make it. It is possible I can't. But it's also possible I can. And the only way to find out is to give it a proper try - do my best to become what I want to be, even when it comes with the risk of failure.

People around us often think they know better, see the risks better, are more realistic than us or otherwise just have more authority to tell how to live our lives. But is that really true?

It's actually just a perception. The louder or more convincing these critics are, the more credible they sound. However, being loud or sounding confident don't make anyone right. And nobody else but you can know, whether something is good or right or doable for you.

But here's the trick. You need to believe in yourself to make it work - whether this is a new job, relationship, studies or business. Critics around can take that self-confidence away, thus spiralling you to a failure and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I told you so! When in fact, if they had not told you so, you wouldn't have failed. Tricky, isn't it?

My motto in life is:

nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

This (perhaps foolishly?) bold and straightforward attitude could be best described by wands tarot cards, i.e. those that depict willpower, inner fire, drive, motivation and wants. However, I think it's best captured by the slow and even dull-looking
7 Pentacles.

The traditional 7 Pentacles of Rider Waite Smith deck shows a farmer assessing his crop. Only one ripe pentacle has dropped, the rest might still fail or succeed. The only thing to do is to keep trying and hope for the best.

Tarot of the Pagan Cats shows a different side of 7 Pentacles - curiosity and play. Any dream, project or plan in life starts with curiosity (could it work? what if it worked?)  and at best, is fuelled by play: fun, exploration, creativity, excitement. Even if the dream fails after all, experiencing those elements on the way make it worth trying.

Every farmer knows that the crop might wither and die. No matter how much you've watered, tended and cared for it, it could still fail. But then again, there could be a huge reward, a bounty, a successful harvest. The only way to know is to try - not just half-heartedly, but giving it the best you've got.

I value tarot as a tool because looking at the cards and pondering them peels off layers in our thinking that are plastered in there by other people.

Looking at the pictures analytically or semi-meditatively should reveal what your real thoughts and feelings about any given matter are, free and pure from others' influence. How could I best make this project work? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What could I do to strengthen the strengths and weed off the weaknesses? How to best go about with this dream of mine?

These are all empowering questions that help you forward, instead of dwelling on "I really want to do it and I think I could, but everyone says it's not wise/easy/possible/for me." Well, everyone can say that the sun will be blue tomorrow, but it doesn't make it true, does it?

Here's a spread to explore a plan or dream you're unsure about. Pull 1-3 cards for each question, depending on your preferences and reading skills.

New plan or dream - analysis spread

1. What do I believe this plan/dream will give me if it works?
2. What is the real reason I hesitate achieving it?
3. How can I overcome my hesitation?
4. What skills I have that will most help me with achieving this?
5. What in my life or thinking is hindering me from achieving this?
6. What will my life be like when I have achieved this?
7. How to best start moving towards this goal?
8. How to encourage myself to keep going until I reach my goal?

How to use tarot to reconcile with someone?

One of the most common questions tarot readers get is along these lines: "how do I reconnect with someone I've lost from my life (an ex, a friend, a relative)" or even more commonly: "when will we reconnect - when will the other person take action to mend it all?" This question is also often accompanied by "does x regret what they did to me / how they behaved / that they cut ties?"

This is, of course, very natural to ask. If a friendship or love has gone sour, usually one person was more keen to leave than the other and that always leaves a pining party. Even in situations where the break-up or fall-out was a mutual decision, people change their mind over time and start remembering all the good of that relationship. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and same applies with time passing. 

Also, people seem to be "wired" to be very aware and concerned about fairness. Studies on monkeys have shown that our furry cousins also understand the concept of fairness and get offended, if - for example - other monkeys get more or better treats for the same tasks in a test. Monkeys also know how to share and are happy to give some of their treats to others to be fair and loyal, i.e. worth friendship and alliances. 

Same goes with us humans. There is hardly anything as painful as the feeling of being wronged. We normally can't comprehend nor stand the feeling and knowledge that someone has done something unfair towards us - in particular if that was on purpose. People can spend days, weeks and even years trying to figure out what happened, why, and in the worst case scenario, holding a grudge and/or plotting revenge. 

We probably all know that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, so for the sake of a better life, it's always a good plan to either try to solve the problem or move on. Or both. 

I as a reader prefer action-oriented questions such as "what can I do to resolve this?" instead of asking "when will things turn better, or when will the other person take action?" That's because waiting for someone else to deliver is bound to cause more anxiety and helplessness than taking the risk of action.

I also find questions such as "is x regretting their actions" not-very-useful, because there is always a chance that x indeed is not regretting, at all. Not everyone is mature enough to treat others with kindness and respect, and not everyone is mature enough to see any fault in themselves. Realising that x did what they did with no remorse whatsoever might cause more pain and anger than needed. 

As a subject of wrongdoing, it's always up to us to make the decision whether we're ready to forgive, regardless of how regretful the other person is. Victims of narcissists, for example, might never find a day when the wrongdoer regrets - because s/he is not capable of it. 

Asking waiting-oriented questions in the flavour of "when will things happen to me?" is nothing but a way to frustration. The least we can do with the help of tarot - instead of drawing a card after card hoping for the best - is to ask questions to better understand the situation and what really caused the trouble in the first place. After all, what you believe was the reason for the fall-out, might be completely different to the other party. 

For example, I have a wrong button to push and that's people doubting my creativity or intelligence. I've had arguments where I've jumped into a conclusion that the other person is criticising or belittling these, when in fact, the other person did not mean that at all. Always ask, always clarify, always try to talk things through when both are calmed down. 

I am a firm believer of direct action in terms of taking the initiative. If you strongly feel you want to reconnect with someone, do it. Regardless of who "should" be the first to extend a hand. Contact them. Their response will tell, if the bridge can be rebuilt. If it can't, find a way to move on in peace. That person was not meant to be in your life for longer than this, and whatever happened, taught you both a lesson. Something else, something new is awaiting for you.

Here's a spread I made to examine what went wrong and how to try to reconnect:

1. The core of the matter?
2. How I feel about this matter?
3. How x feels about this matter?
4. How I feel about reconnecting?
5. How x feels about reconnecting?
6. If I contact x, what's the most likely response I get?
7. What's the most likely outcome if I approach x?
8. What's the most likely outcome, if I don't approach x?
9. The lesson of this matter to me?
10. The lesson of this matter to x?

 

How to handle naysayers?

How to deal with people who are putting you or your plans and dreams down? We all have encountered one or two (or a dozen) of those in life and will keep encountering them, both IRL (in real life) and online, there's unfortunately no way out of it. But how to handle those situations without losing your temper, face or self-esteem in the process?

Six years ago, I made a decision to move to Australia. I had lived abroad before and wanted to turn my life around completely, due to general dissatisfaction with my career prospects, climate, and cultural atmosphere in general (pessimistic and whinging) at home. I wanted to see what else is there (btw I absolutely love that song of the same title by Royksopp, a Norweigan duo).

I got two kinds of responses to my foolishly courageous plans to quit my well-paying job, leave everything behind, sell my belongings and hop on a plane with no visibility about if I would succeed. Others thought I'm brave and adventurous. Others said I'm mad and warned me profusely about how I'll fail and regret my choice.

I left anyway.

We all get a cr@ploads of criticism in life: some think we should have kids. Some think we shouldn't have kids. Some think we should have more kids. Some think we should have decided to have fewer kids. Some think we should change jobs. Some think we should stay in our current job. And so on, ad infinitum.

To be able to deal with this, it's essential to figure where the criticism is really coming from. It actually has very little to do with my or your decisions. It has everything to do with the worldview of the critic.

Surprisingly many people have a - subconscious - mindset like this: "Other people's decisions that contradict my life, are critique towards me, hence I have to defend my decision by attacking their decisions; or I need to convert them to believe in my values and worldview."

People with kids can think that childless couples are undermining the value of a family and sacrifices of parents. People in steady (but perhaps dull) jobs can think that more entrepreneurial people are critiquing their decision to stay put instead of chasing dreams they once had.

We are all part of a so called "world-making project" (a word from philosophy and sociology) where other people's behaviour is setting an example for us and vice versa. 

What is common for us to see, we believe is normal, and if our common and normal is questioned, we start fearing that we have to change our lives too at some point in the future, because the normal itself has changed. Or, that our decisions won't be as widely accepted in the future, because we are no longer the norm, the majority, the typical.

This, I believe, is behind the fierce attacks against legalising same sex marriage. Some people in traditional marriages can't stand the idea that their marriage is made "less normal" by expanding the definition of marriage.

My point is that whenever you encounter a naysayer or a critic - regarding your tarot business, alternative lifestyle, pre-Christian religion/spirituality, or anything else under the sun - remember it's not about you. It's about the critic.

It's revealing what their worldview and normal are, and how they are struggling with understanding your normal. It's not a reason to change your beliefs, but it is an opportunity to engage: why is the person so invested in convincing you that you have to change, or change your dreams and plans? How are your dreams and plans "threatening" this person? How can you assure that your normal is, in fact, enriching the world, not taking away from it?

Here's a little spread I devised to explore your own bias, to be mindful of it. 

1. What do I believe about the world? 
2. What in my beliefs is something others find hard to accept?
3. What in others' beliefs is something I find hard to accept?
4. What is the best action for me to take to bridge the gap between me and others (naysayers)?
5. How to build my confidence to believe in my message/dream?

And a sample reading:

1 - 6 PENTACLES Reversed. I believe that everyone has something to give (to me and others). I only have to look for opportunities and take what comes, acknowledge the blessings. I read the 6 Pents rx as me receiving something and 6 Pents upright as me (or the querent) giving something to others.

2 - TEMPERANCE. People don't think it's easy to have a balanced give and take. It takes a lot of effort to understand that when you give, you're not being taken advantage of. If you give freely, it will come back to you in one form or another; and if you receive, you should pay it forward. 

3 - 8 WANDS Reversed. Others believe it's better to keep your thoughts to yourself and not act too fast. I don't believe in non-communication: in fact, I think the world needs more honesty and discussion, genuine attempts to try to understand each other, and more action to sort problems.

4 - FOOL. Don't care, just move on, walk your own path. True! :D

5 - CHARIOT. Trust that you have the willpower to make the life you want, and tell the messages you believe in. Don't budge or dodge, just do it.

If you have a vision, believe in it. If others don't believe in it, it just means they are not on the same mental platform yet. Photo (c) Tarot for Change.

Difference between possible and impossible

I joined a new pilates/yoga studio a couple of weeks ago and go often, partly because it's energising, partly because it's direct debited fortnightly for unlimited access, so I better get value for money!

I've practised yoga sporadically for five years now (sometimes multiple times per week, sometimes not at all for a month or two) and it's an activity where you gradually and reliably see the change in your skills, flexibility and balance. Slowly, slowly at first, but faster once you get the hang of it. Of course the main purpose is to learn to be more mindful, calm and centered, but the physical, fitness side is a great addition, too.

Yesterday, someone new joined my pilates class: an overweight 50+ lady. She struggled to keep up, which is more than understandable. Starting from zero is always hard, and it takes courage to join a class where you feel others are more fit and skilled than you. The teacher kept encouraging her in every turn and teaching her different methods to not make it all too challenging.

However, the new lady kept finding reasons (excuses?) why she can't do more than a couple of repeats per move. Instead of at least trying and persisting, she complained about cramps, panting, sweat, how it all feels uncomfortable. With every change of body position, she shuffled a good long minute longer than others - which made her drop out of the others' rhythm, then apparently feel she can't catch up anyway so she simply waited for the beginning of the next series of moves. And the same shuffling, delay and drop-out again, throughout the class.

This sounds judgemental and I admit I struggled with not judging her, but she was only harming herself by giving up from the get-go. Any type of exercise feels awkward and uncomfortable from the start, when you're not yet familiar with how it should feel and how great it can feel afterwards. She wasn't pushing herself, because she had not (yet or ever?) learned, that developing strength, balance and flexibility takes a few weeks to notice. Rewards don't come immediately and you don't even get the post-workout euphoria if there's no proper workout.

Of course I can't know what were her reasons for not persisting. But I've heard many times before people complaining how they exercise or diet and no results come. There is a good chance the exercise is not actually done as effectively as it should be: attending a class is not the same as actually doing a workout, pushing yourself, challenging and persevering.

The moral #1 of the story is not to judge anyone who's struggling with weight of fitness. It's to remember that everything in life takes work, effort, energy, time to succeed.

Yoga has actually taught me the meaning of the Hanged Man tarot card: it's about self-sacrifice, voluntary yet frustrating waiting, changing one's viewpoint instead of changing one's circumstances. Sometimes you must stay in an uncomfortable (yoga or life) position for longer than you'd possibly like, because it's good for you in the long run. And you'll only see the benefits later, after sufficient time - weeks, months or years.

The moral #2 of the story is: whatever we tell ourselves, we believe, and that becomes our reality. "It's too hard, it can't be done, I'm not fit enough, I'm not skilled enough, I don't know what to do anyway, everyone else is better than me, I can't succeed because everything and everyone is against me, I just have a body type that won't allow me to change, etc."

I've worked in four different fields, tried and played any sports I can think of, moved to new countries and travelled wide and far, because before embarking on any of these quests, I've told myself: "others have done it, I can do it too." And believed it. The usual limiting suspects, such as time, money, lack of skills etc. are not an actual, physical barrier, if you plan and prioritise differently.

Very few things in life are outright impossible, but a good number of things are at least semi-possible if you set your heart to it and stick with it. No excuses, no dodging, no giving up when the first roadblock comes or the first cramp hits.

If you can't achieve your full dream, maybe you can achieve at least half of it? 

With weight loss, maybe half of your target is better than no loss at all? Acquiring new skills: learning the basics of a new language is better than not learning at all. Changing jobs: finding a lower-paid position in a field that interests you is better than no change at all. Dating: putting yourself out there to learn confidence and socialising skills is better than not even trying, even if you don't find the Prince/Princess Charming immediately. And so forth.

And here's a tarot spread I created for identifying roadblocks and ways around them.

POSSIBLE OR IMPOSSIBLE? 
Pull 1-3 cards for each question depending on your interpretation skills and reading preferences

1. What change or achievement I believe is not possible, when it actually is? 
2. What can I do to make it happen?
3. What negative situation or trait in myself I believe is permanent, and it's not?
4. What to do to change it for better?
5. What change or achievement for now is out of my reach? 
6. What can I do to achieve or change some of it? 
7. What trait in me helps me achieve goals?
8. What trait in me hinders me from achieving goals?
9. What to focus on to be the best possible version of myself?

And a sample reading:

1)  7 PENTACLES. This card is often read to meant "waiting for results", as it shows a person waiting for fruit to ripen. I read this to mean here: accumulating wealth, as my card shows a mother and a child ready to pick massive, plump apples.


2)  EMPEROR. This card means a structured, organised and assertive approach; stability and permanency. I think it means: accumulating wealth can happen with hard work, logical approach and wise investment decisions.

3)  7 WANDS. The uphill battle I'm currently in with my PhD studies and work. I'm doing my best to tackle all challenges, yet it feels I'm not moving forward at all. More issues and tasks pile up on me no matter how fast and well I work.

4)  9 PENTACLES. The card of enjoying one's freedom, independence, wealth, experience, achievements. Maybe I should take more time for myself, to enjoy my freedom and things I like. And also remember and appreciate the fact that I'm actually quite free both at studies and at work to handle things as I please.

5)  8 WANDS. Fast-paced action and messages bearing good news. I'm waiting/hoping for good news from multiple fronts regarding my studies and a creative project I'm undertaking, but clearly the action won't be fast in those areas. Well, good to know.

6)  3 CUPS. Find like-minded people, join "my tribe", enjoy company of friends. My friends, indeed, are helping me with the creative undertaking. Also, I should do more research online to find the best community, as I'm trying to find a University department to join next year as a visiting scholar.

7)  4 WANDS. The card of home, completions, celebrations. I work full-time in the office but I also work at home on my own stuff, which I truly enjoy. Also, I divide tasks into chunks that are easier to complete than the whole project, and I mark the mid-completions with celebration. It works!

8)  LOVERS. I believe I should only focus on things / people I love in life. However, this is not possible, because many tasks are simply boring, but necessary steps on the way to bigger achievements. For example, I'm much more prone to fiddle with my tarot cards in the evenings than read PhD material... and I should not let my heart dictate what I do so much!

9)  5 WANDS. The card of conflicts, frustrations, competition. I don't think I should be more anxious or frustrated, but maybe I should put myself out there to compete more: I can't achieve goals if I shy away from competition. However, as I am quite competitive already, I'm inclined to read this as a reminder to keep an eye on this tendency and only use it in appropriate occasions - fight for your goals when needed, but let others win where necessary to keep the balance right. 

I hope this offers interesting insights! 

Forge your own path marked with successes and joy. Photo (c) Tarot for Change.

Roadblocks of being a pro tarot reader

I wrote earlier about the start of my journey as a "professional", i.e. paid tarot reader. The reason I put professional in brackets is that this is not my full time job and I do "normal" office work as my full-time career. However, I think that once people are willing to pay for my insights, it is at least semi-professional, no matter how big or small sums of money we're talking about.

Because I want this blog to be a channel for useful information, I also believe in full disclosure, meaning no sugar coating. So, I've now hit my first road block as a professional reader and similar blocks probably come to anyone's path, who wish to make a living with or from tarot. If that is something you're planning, here are some real-life issues that might pop up to hinder your progress or rather, the money flow.

Firstly, I don't think tarot is a great way to become rich and it shouldn't be used for (solely) that purpose. Given that tarot is a form of giving advice, people always have other options to obtain advice such as chatting with friends, seeking for formal therapy/life coaching/healing, trying to figure all out on their own... so tarot as a product is "nice extra" for many to buy, it's not a life essential like groceries. Thus, finding for paying clients is always much harder than finding people who'd be happy to get a freebie just to try it out.

I started my paid readings on a bigger business website but unfortunately I didn't generate enough repeat customers to "earn" a continued spot on the site. The website seemed like a great idea at first and it worked in terms of getting regular reading requests and a steady flow of side income, but it was also very competitive between other readers on the site. The pressure is on to outperform the fellow readers, offer something no one else does and so on. Of course, this can lead to stellar service but it can also lead to "empathy overload" aka "unnecessary" repeat readings.

All the feedback I got from customers was positive: they got clear, solid advice to their problems and were happy to move on. Too happy, in a way: they did not need to come back to me to ask for clarifying questions or further advice, because I already laid out the options and what's likely to happen. Hence, no repeat customers, no repeat purchases, not enough cash flow to show to the site I'm worth keeping.

I did not have the knack to deliver readings in a way that persuades people to ask more paid questions or to seek more support and confirmation from tarot. I simply blurted it out there, clear cut, done and dusted, off you go. I also did not have heart to tell customers (stupidly, from my point of view) that I can't answer further questions so I often pulled an extra card on top of the paid cards, if further questions came up in the chat following a reading. Great for customers, bad for business.

I was given a period of 3-4 months to prove my worth and given that many people only pay for a reading every quarter, half a year or for an anniversary, New Year, birthday etc., I don't think that was long enough period to see how many of my customers were keen to come back.

I have also done email readings and face-to-face readings on my own account since Christmas and of these, I first enjoyed in person meetings better than online. I've slowly changed my mind, because reading in person takes  a lot of energy and also time (reading for 60-90 minutes in a row is much harder than flipping out a few cards for an email question). Doing readings after a full work day is actually much more draining I anticipated; for some reason most clients want to see me during the week, not during weekends.

In addition, people can get "addicted" to personal readings and come back time and time again to ask about the same or similar issues. By email this does not tend to happen, people seem more money-conscious when they order things online!

When I started this blog and reading services half a year ago, I consulted another professional tarot reader to see how I would go. I wanted to get an unbiased view instead of a reading tainted by fears or dreams of mine, done by me. She told me that time, timing, scheduling and exhaustion would be the main themes coming up. I wouldn't worry about money (which is true, given I have another paid job), but I would overwork if I didn't pace myself. I should preserve my energy and enthusiasm instead of splashing it all out there, full speed ahead from the beginning. And she turned out to be right. Now I've hit the roadblock she predicted, and I need to regroup and rethink what to do with this business.

I have now come to realise that to protect my own energy levels and interest towards tarot, I have to limit my exposure/immersion in it and focus solely on email readings for now. It does not generate nearly as much income as readings in person or readings on the big business website, but it's still an outlet for people to find me and for me to reach out to those who need tarot. Currently I sell one reading per month, whereas I used to do 5 readings per week on the big business website (priced around $20/each) and 1-3 face to face readings per week ($59/each).

This is a major plunge for me, but funnily enough, I'm not disappointed. All good things in life take time to develop and mature and for now, I feel better to focus on blogging and chatting about tarot instead of treating it as a full-day business.

I have not been as active as I could have in finding customers, and I'm sure I could be a bit further ahead business-wise if I had done all the networking, advertising and pitching I was planning to when I founded this blog. So I'm not saying someone else couldn't be already making some (up to half?) of their income through tarot after first six months in business. However, I do think it's more likely that to build a solid reputation and customer base tarot is a line of business that takes years to come to full fruition. This is to all antsy pants out there who want to be on top of the world within the next quarter! ;)

Best of luck for your tarot (or related esoteric) business if you have one, and feel free to ask a free 3-card sample reading from me. Any topic goes, I'll deliver within 24 hours unless there's a long queue of requests or something urgent stopping me - in which case I'll always let you know.

Requests to tarotsaskia(a)gmail.com

Have a great mid-summer, if you're at the Northern Hemisphere, and great mid-winter, if you're Down Under or someplace else in the South Side!

Do you want to start your own business or other creative project? Make a wish, close your eyes to visualise it - and then follow through in practice. Takes time, effort and sweat, but that's the only way to succeed.

Everyday happiness series - what we accept, we get

Here's a new post for my everyday happiness - series, this time discussing how we actively co-create our lives by a mere act of accepting. The previous parts are 1# - How to be happier? and 2# - How to quit worrying and envying?

Teaching #3: what we accept, we get

Or, the standards you pass by, are the standards you accept.

How many times have you thought - why am I being treated this poorly or unfairly? Chances are, in average life, that at least a few. Hopefully not every day. But if you think that way every day, this post is definitely for you.

Let's start with a story about my own life. I migrated to Australia with my then-husband (whom I found in my early 20's) years ago, but due to a number of things - huge personality clashes being the major issue - we ended up separating pretty soon after the relocation. I was in a new country with only a handful of (not-yet-so-close) friends, away from all the familiar safety nets such as my family and old friends. To get back on my feet and to manage financially, I decided to find a flatmate.

This flatmate was found quickly and on the outside, she was the sweetest, sunniest thing you can imagine. However, I soon learned that I had walked into a trap. She had her own reasons to live with a flatmate and those reasons revolved around having a crutch to lean on in everything - housework, socialising, and taking care of all of her practical and emotional issues.

Within three months, our cohabitation had spiralled into coercion by emotional blackmail - not a day went by I didn't hear "everyone else would do this for me", "a true friend would do this", "if you were a decent person, you'd do this", etc. The expected tasks ranged from scrubbing the toilet floor, doing her grocery shopping and putting together her IKEA furniture to inviting her to every single social gathering I went (she didn't seem to have many friends of her own, despite the social media appearances).

At first I was happy to help, because I thought it would be a win-win and give-give situation. Of course I can pick a few things in the supermarket for her, too, while I'm there. She had a health condition, so of course I could do some of the heavier tasks. Surely she would help me in turn, too? Right?

Well, that didn't happen. Somehow it was always me doing, giving, helping, taking care of stuff. And not getting a lot in exchange, not even gratitude.

Then, Christmas came and I bought her a present - just something inexpensive as a polite token - and instead of thank you I got an angry response: "now you made me feel bad, I don't have anything for you, why did you do this!". Later on, I learned she was siphoning a portion out of our rent monies so I actually had paid more than needed. I got so fed up I moved out immediately.

The reasons why I tolerated that in the first place were: 

• I believed her claims that "a good friend / anyone else would do this, why wouldn't you."
• I didn't have many other people to turn to and I was afraid I'd lose the few friends I had if I actively "rebelled"- I may have been seen as a selfish person if I hadn't helped a flatmate.
• I had a very nice apartment in the city centre I'd need to give up if I moved - there was no way I could have afforded something as nice on my own.
• I thought "this probably is how it is for everyone, there's nothing out of the ordinary going on", regardless of the nagging feeling that I'm being taken advantage of.

Now, this is not nearly as severe as being in an abusive relationship or being bullied at work (or school), but it taught me clearly that the phrase "what we accept, we get" is true. If I had stayed, I would have got more of the same and the chances are the emotional blackmail would have spiralled to be worse. I was already losing time, effort and money, I could have been losing my self-esteem and my own life, too - she was actively undermining my dreams and tried to dig a trench between me and my brand new love interest.

I walked out of this experience just with a few surface scratches but it was an eye-opener for why people stay in relationships that are hurtful and harmful. Because it's so easy to slip into thinking that this is what everyone's life is and surely others wouldn't make a fuss out of something this insignificant. Hardly any abuser starts with a full-blown beating - it starts with small but constant undermining and emotional and mental manipulation to make you think you are in the wrong and they are in the right; and you are just being silly and selfish if you don't agree. 

But this is where everyone's inner voice comes at play. Is this right? Am I being treated right? Is this what I want for myself (or for my children/others involved)? Is this the life I dream of?

The same applies to any relationship and situation. Are you disrespected or mistreated at work? Speak up, gather evidence, gather support groups, lodge a formal complaint or leave the place. It won't get better by itself nor by accident. 

Is your partner being unfair or worse, abusive either verbally or physically? Speak up, seek help, leave if needed. I know it's not easy but it won't magically change to better. Someone must take action and if it's not you, who could it be? It won't be the abuser because they are getting exactly what they need by keeping you at bay. 

The same teaching applies to much milder everyday situations, such as someone being rude. Don't take it. Stay firm and don't let someone's lack of manners dig into your personal space. It only tells who they are, not about who you are. I personally stay away from name calling during arguments, because I want to keep the conversation or debate civil. I've never yelled at anyone "you're a fucking idiot", because I would then open the gates to be called the same. 

Here's a tarot spread to examine this topic in more depth: 

1. What am I accepting from others I shouldn't?
2. What action can I take to change it?
3. How am I behaving towards others I shouldn't?
4. What action can I take to change it?
5. How to feel more centred and empowered?
6. How to behave to invite better treatment towards myself?

9 Wands, Witches Tarot. Defend your truth, message and authenticity (8 Wands) with your passion, drive and motivation (Ace of Wands) - don't let anyone walk over you. We all have the same right to exist and become the best versions of ourselves. 

How to change someone else's behaviour?

The quality of life very much depends on ourselves: things can't get better if we don't change them or change ourselves. However, what if your life is less than ideal because of someone else? 

We've all heard that the only person I can change is myself. But, what if I'm pretty dang dazzling and the other person/people need to change for the issue to be solved?

Jokes aside, you don't need to be perfect but you might still be a "better" person than your partner, colleague, boss, parent, child, mother-in-law or whoever is causing you grief. And by better I mean more mature, more understanding, and more willing to work on the issue. There's only so much one person can do to change and work on an issue, but if the other party is not doing their bit, the matter won't get solved. So, what to do?

First, a story. I used to have a habit to bite my nails. Out of boredom, frustration, or just while thinking. I was completely unaware how disgusting this habit might be for onlookers.

Exhibit A. I was in a car with a relative and started biting my nails. He reached forward, grabbed a package of chewing gum and offered one to me. I took it and forgot my nails. We drove on, happily chatting, and I was only vaguely aware that the gum was offered to change my behaviour - more importantly, I didn't mind.

Exhibit B. I was on a plane, sitting next to a complete stranger. This person was a much older man, perhaps in his late 50s or early 60s. We were having polite small talk and out of habit, I started biting my nails. This man slapped my hand (softly, of course) and told me sternly: don't do that. I stopped, taken aback. Who are you to tell me what to do? You're not my father, you're a random stranger and you think it's ok to touch me (even if it was partly in jest) and reprimand me like a school kid?

Question: which person managed my behaviour better? I still remember both of these situations, years after, and I think about person A warmly because he's a genuinely nice guy - and I actually stopped biting my nails eventually, once I realised it's a habit worth dropping.

I also remember person B, but only because I'm still infuriated by him. Who the heck he thought he was? Yes, he was older, he probably was in a higher position at work - he was used to having authority, had his own kids and grandkids, but 1) I immediately thought he must be aggressive because he "slapped" a stranger and 2) I secretly thought I'll do what I please, you can't stop me, no matter what's your "ranking" in life.

The lessons I learned were: it's always better to instill an idea than push it with force.

Bossing around or giving orders is bound to trigger resistance, annoyance and rebellion. "Well, watch me do as I please!" is an attitude of toddlers, teenagers and grown adults alike, when ordered to do something they don't like or stop doing something they like or are accustomed of doing. Secondly, it's always possible to give feedback in a respectful, understanding and action-oriented manner: there's no need to be rude.

Lastly, the old truth indeed is true - we'll forget many things in life but not how people make us feel. If someone treats us nicely, we'll remember that warmly. If someone treats us badly, hmm...

I know there are bigger problems in life than nail-biting and I've personally encountered the following: how to change someone who's suicidal, depressed, alcoholic, into drugs and gambling, a world-class procrastinator/the king of lazy; or a selfishly manipulative narcissist (these were not the same person, but a number of people). And... Sometimes you simply can't.

If the other person is beyond cooperation and help, the only reasonable action might be to withdraw, cut your losses and cut contact with the person - or, if possible, try to get professional help. Treating addictions or mental disorders shouldn't be done with tarot alone, you'd need health professionals or a support group involved. If not for the other person (if he or she refuses it), but at least for yourself.

However, where tarot can help is to give you advice on how to react and behave when dealing with a problem person. Tarot can calm you down with insights like: it's not about you, it's about him/her, it's their issue and their life lesson, you can do X, Y, Z to make this dealing easier, just stay calm, collected and in charge of your own actions and feelings. Don't let anyone push your buttons.

If you've heard about, or even better, read the classic book called How to Win Friends and Influence People (Dale Carnegie 1936), you'll know that expectations create actions and behaviour.

The thumb rule of this "Golden Book" - as it's called - is: what you expect from others, will influence how you treat them and this in turn influences how they respond and treat you. If you treat others with respect, kind interest and benevolent trust, and in particular, set positive expectations, 99% of people respond accordingly because they want to prove you're right about them. 

Similarly, low expectations or blaming, nagging and namecalling cause people to under-perform - "well, s/he already thinks I'm a fat, stupid, lazy loser so that's who I am then"-attitude.

I think one of the major culprits in any relationship is sinking into a blame-pit where both parties only see the negatives in each other and keep bringing them up either vocally or in their mind.

This often leads to a "counting points" situation where each party remembers with absolute clarity all the favours and good deeds they've done for the other, but only keep track on all the negative reactions they've received from the other. This type of biased record-keeping is bound to make the relationship feel imbalanced and eventually explode under what the parties think is gross mistreatment.

Another example. I used to have a prickly relationship with one of the managers at work, because I thought she's incompetent and I (subconsciously) kept count on every  mistake she made: I also counted lack of action as a mistake (in particular when she didn't communicate something she should have to the team). I eventually had a pile of "evidence" against her and felt pretty acrimonious when having to deal with her.

One day, I finally realised she must be struggling under her workload - maybe she simply doesn't realise what she could do better. So, I started giving her compliments. When she did communicate something well, I politely thanked her for keeping everyone in the loop. This one email was a game changer. 

She replied she never gets acknowledgement and felt great for getting positive feedback for change! And, miraculously, she's started communicating more. Because she figured it will be positively noticed. I've continued using this method with her and other people at work with success. It does seem to work. Because people indeed want to show they are worth the compliments.

Now, is this manipulation? I don't think so. It's simply acknowledging the positives and being polite and respectful - being a decent human being and receiving the same back.

I live by this rule at home as well and I always thank and compliment my husband for doing the dishes, vacuuming, etc. It might sound like "why should he be complimented for what are his chores?". Well, why not? And now he thanks and compliments me, too, and does his part of the chores on his own without me asking, reminding or nagging. Win-win!

Ok, it's all nice and warm fuzzies and all, but how does tarot relate to this? Try this spread I created:

How to encourage change in another person

1 - 2 - 3

4 - 5 - 6

1 The situation
2 How to bring the issue up?
3 The best realistic outcome if I raise the issue?
4 How will the other person behave?
5 How should I make the other feel? (to see what matters to them)
6 The outcome

An example reading: the issue - how to get someone play less video games

1 Page of Swords - well, the issue is about having mental fun, exploring, playing, feeling excited by a mental challenge, and that clearly is important to this person. So, it needs to be understood and acknowledged - nobody changes their behaviour if they get more out of continuing it than changing or stopping it. Clearly this is an important matter of having fun and stretching one's mental capabilities so now the question should be: is there really a need to change their behaviour?

2 King of Swords - be direct, honest, unemotional, rely on logic: bring up the pros and cons that the playing has on the people around and also the person (lack of exercise etc.). State your point without drama, just lay it out as it is but don't budge from your position, either.

3 Two of Swords - the person will always be of two minds: wants to play, but knows that excess is not beneficial. This seems like an ongoing issue and the person will not be able to decide only one direction (play full-on or not play at all).

4 Seven of Swords - this person will sneak behind everyone's back and most likely play when others are not at home (which is actually fine, so an OK outcome here).

5 Ten of Pentacles - that nothing is threatening the security and stability of their life. The person needs to feel stable, grounded and happy about their life as it is now and having an argument or discussion about gaming will not make this person lose what matters to them (family, home, income etc.).

6 Knight of Swords - the outcome can be a bit of a clash: this Knight is fast, furious and very frank up to the point of being rude. It's best to keep emotions in check when having this discussion (and also after) and stick to the behaviour of the King of Swords: truthful, analytical, structured and solution-oriented.

Hope this is of help!

The Queen of Swords (the Guardian of Air, Gaian Tarot) is a person who can manage her (or his) emotions with logic and rational, calm, structured touch. She won't let anyone push her buttons but is wise enough to see beyond others' actions. That's what's needed in changing someone else's behaviour, too. 

Embrace the change

Change is at the same time the most natural and the most difficult thing in life.

Life is in constant flow and cannot stay the same, but then again, change is often scary, hazy and unwanted. If everything's fine now, why change? And if everything is not fine, why the change is not already coming, no matter how much we've hoped and wished for it?

I'm probably from the more change-oriented side than most people, because I'm so curious and always ready for experiencing new things in life. However, lately I've felt for the first time that change can also be scary - so scary that it paralyses and prevents action.

My life is 90% frigging great now, as I have almost everything I could have dreamed of. I'm married to my soul mate, I have a beautiful new home, steady job, enough income, established social circles, activities that make me feel that I'm living my purpose (tarot, volunteering etc.).

Given that everything's so well, I've got 10 Pentacles a lot lately - the card of permanence, structures in life, home and family, wealth, everything being as steady and complete as possible. But, this is also the card of comfort zone and complacency. And with having a lot comes the fear of losing a lot.

I've repeated like a parrot that the only area in my life I'm not entirely happy with is my job. It's a great steady position but it offers zero percent of inspiration or creativity. I understand I'm not the only person who's dissatisfied with a seemingly OK role and I don't want to come across ungrateful because I'm definitely trying to see the positives (even though tarot does remind me of that, too, by offering 4 Cups a lot - the card of complacency, ingratitude, boredom, not seeing the blessings in front of my nose).

Where these two cards tie together is the fear of change. 10 Pentacles is completion and 4 Cups is about not being happy with what one has, but still being unable to break the rut - maybe there's laziness,lack of effort, ideas and direction. But both cards talk about stalling.

Ideally I'd find a job that better suits my personality and still offers the same benefits as my current role, but herein lies the catch: what if any other role doesn't come with as good perks? What if I hop off from the ice bucket to boiling water and regret it, with no possibility to backtrack? So, I am my own worst enemy in achieving this goal.

I do a yearly draw around every New Year to see what's coming up and for this year I got cards Ace of Swords, 8 Wands and 8 Cups. They say:

This year I'll see things clearly and will have an excellent plan to execute. I'll see and speak the truth. The year will be filled with fast-paced action, change and communication. I'll be exchanging messages back and forth and "feeling the wind in my hair", it's so thrilling and fast. But, I'll also grow tired with something: I'll acknowledge things didn't go where I wanted them to go and I'm simply not satisfied enough to keep what I have. I must walk away to seek satisfaction from someplace else.

8 Cups has been stalking me since this draw and I've thought it relates to my job. However, with tarot, cards have a tendency to keep popping up if the message is not delivered or no action is taken. I've been confused why I still get this card, when I've identified my job as the "lack of fulfilment" area and I've tried my best to seek fulfilment, by focusing on all the positives and mainly concentrating on topics that matter, such as this blog and my studies.

I found an excellent spread called EMBRACE THE CHANGE from the Daily Tarot Girl blog and because my life is clearly in transition (8 Cups is about seeking for more or something else), I thought I better embrace it to aid myself. I changed the card positions slightly to be more intuitive:

---5---

3-1-4

---2---

1 - Action to ease transition (what to do)
2 - Support (person or energy that helps)
3 - What's being left behind
4 - What you will gain from this change
5 - Higher guidance / advice

Embrace the Change - reading

1 - Action to ease transition (what to do) - 5 WANDS
Try to remember not to take life too seriously, it can be light-hearted fun, a competition and a game. Also, if you want to get to a new place in life and in particular, get a new job, it takes effort and competition. It can't be avoided and there's no point in shying away from this moment of frustrations and trying to win, to come out on top.

2 - Support (person or energy that helps) - TEMPERANCE
You have learned by now to combine and balance, mix and compromise in life. Use that skill. Seek for balance in all areas of life.

I've been a very one-sided person before and this ongoing job situation has definitely helped/forced me to seek balance and be patient. I used to have zero patience with long-term projects or issues, I'd give it a quick go and then abandon it in frustration or out of lack of interest. So growth as a person has definitely happened, thanks to the boring job.

3 - What's being left behind - EMPEROR
Emperor talks about leading my life solely relying on the logical, rational, "masculine" side of the brain. I can see based on this card that the change heralded by the 8 Cups is not just about my job or external situation, it's about a major shift in thinking: my world view and values.

A few years ago, I was still very much a science-believer and wouldn't account anything spiritual, paranormal, metaphysical etc. I've always been artistic but saw that as "nice to have" skill instead of something more - because it's so difficult to earn a living as an artist. I had pretty much been indoctrinated by the modern society, politicians and the economists to believe that what has monetary value is what matters, and what has to do with emotions, intuition, kindness, "soft skills", is additional extra but not as important because you can't export it to earn money.

Duh, what an unbalanced way to think and live! One side can't work without the other and I've gone through a crash course to learn to appreciate "feminine" traits and values, such as intuition and creativity.

4 - What you will gain from this change - 8 CUPS.
Here's my stalker again. Interestingly, it came up as a positive (what I'll gain) and I also got this in a position of family and friends in another spread yesterday, so now I finally understand the message.

I've been emotionally unsatisfied with my social circles, because I mainly work and socialise with people who are quite different from me personality-wise. Most are not very interested in deeper questions in life and that's what's lacking. I need a quest to find my tribe, people whose thinking and values resonate better with  me. Not that I'd abandon my current friends, but there's always room for more, isn't there!

5 - Higher guidance / advice - STAR
Star means guidance, positive take, optimism and direction and I generally read it to mean: you're following your higher guidance, you're on the right path. So this card in this position is a double whammy - yes, what you're leaving behind what you're gaining is a beneficial change you need to make to fulfil your destiny; to be the best version of yourself.

Embrace the Change, done with Buckland Romani Tarot.

Why everyone should have a tarot reading?

Yes, I'm a tarot reader and this topic might sound like a marketing blurb, but I actually have a deeper point.

I've mentioned before that I'm a PhD student and I'm currently writing my thesis revolving around the themes of quality of life and quality of urban environment, and the connection between them.

Due to and alongside my studies, I read a lot about experience economy and the importance of meaningful experiences in life. Helping to improve everyone's quality of life is a passion of mine and that's the main reason I started this blog and offering tarot services.

It's been studied and confirmed by a vast number of psychologists, sociologists and other human sciences professionals, that people have an innate need to find purpose in life. We simply can't function properly if we don't see a purpose for our existence and actions. We become depressed, disengaged, directionless... miserable. In the worst case scenario, lose the will to live.

Scientific and academic professionals, as well as business and marketing experts, have figured out something else, too. That people everywhere seek meaningful experiences: moments or a lifestyle that allow us to experience something new and unique, grow as a person, master a skill, feel connected with others in a positive way, be creative, contribute to the society, feel more alive.

These experiences are important, because they help us to find the meaning and purpose in life - it's not just about taking mechanical actions to survive, it's about building relationships, memories and skills - and growing as a person.

Business consultants Steve Diller, Nathan Shedroff and Darrel Rhea have written a book Making Meaning about the work of Cheskin consultancy company: it surveys 100,000 people around the globe per year to map, what people want out of life. They've compiled a list of the most often mentioned experiences that come up in these surveys - what people everywhere seem to value and yearn.

The most often mentioned meaningful experiences are

1. Accomplishment - Achieving goals and making something of oneself; a sense of satisfaction that can result from productivity, focus, talent, or status.
2. Beauty - The appreciation of qualities that give pleasure to the senses or spirit.
3. Community - A sense of unity with others around us and a general connection with other human beings.
4. Creation - The sense of having produced something new and original.
5. Duty - The willing application of oneself to a responsibility.
6. Enlightenment - Clear understanding through logic or inspiration.
7. Freedom - The sense of living without unwanted constraints.
8. Harmony - The balanced and pleasing relationship of parts to a whole, whether in nature, society, or an individual.
9. Justice - The assurance of equitable and unbiased treatment.
10. Oneness - A sense of unity with everything around us.
11. Redemption - Atonement or deliverance from past failure or decline.
12. Security - The freedom from worry about loss.
13. Truth - A commitment to honesty and integrity.
14. Validation - The recognition of oneself as a valued individual worthy of respect.
15. Wonder - Awe in the presence of a creation beyond one's understanding.

A tarot reading at its best can offer a pathway to a number of these and hence, be a very powerful, mind-shifting and influential experience. 

The main purpose of tarot is to offer enlightenment: an avenue to understand something - one's own or someone else's thoughts, emotions and feelings, or the situation or life in general - with new clarity. It can also help one experience truth, justice, duty and security (what's really going on and why, what are the "karmic lessons", how this all fits to the grand scheme of things, what's the likely direction and how to put in the best effort to achieve a goal).

Tarot is an excellent tool for redemption - understanding that the past failures have served a purpose and there's always light at the end of the tunnel.

Beauty and harmony can be experienced by looking at the beautiful and interesting pictures and having the sense that life in itself is a beautiful experience full of new beginnings and new chances. Most thoughtful tarot readers offer a calm, harmonious settings for receiving the reading - a bit like a mind spa - or tailor a beautiful email package of the reading as a keepsake. 

Accomplishment and freedom can be felt, when the cards prompt us to take action to achieve goals, and remind that we are free to change our lives, when we first acknowledge what's the blockage - fear of failure, something else? Creativity is also supported by a tarot reading, because the purpose is to give the sitter free hands to mould his or her life to the wanted direction by giving the most useful tips about what's working and what's not. 

In my view, possibly the most impacting emotions can come from experiencing validation - what you're going through is real, the reader can see it and empathise with you, and the reader is focusing solely on you. No distractions, no checking the phone, but your life being discussed and described in depth and with empathy.

Oneness and wonder can be experienced either from a spiritual point of view (the cards are seen as giving higher guidance); or simply from the fact that there is a connection between the reader, the cards and the sitter and it's an awe-inspiring experience to see a flow of pictures describe your life to a T and offer insightful advice. 

Belonging to a community is one of the core needs of every human being and it is experienced during and as a consequence of the reading by first connecting with the reader and later on, by applying the tarot messages to your life to improve how you connect with others - with a partner, family members, friends, colleagues or people in general.

When people come to receive a tarot reading in person, they practically always forget the flow of time, which is a tell-tale sign of deep impact and focus. People simply don't remember to check the time or don't realise an hour has passed already, because they are so intrigued to hear what the cards mean.

A tarot reading is not only informative or clarifying, it can be an all-encompassing and unique experience that fulfils a number of everyone's deep needs and often is a memorable event people remember for years - if not their whole life.

EDIT; Doing a reading for oneself can and does offer these same feelings and experiences. If you can understand the cards, there's of course no necessity to seek a reading from another person - even though that can be extremely helpful when feeling blocked or confused with the situation and/or the cards!

Death - or a rising Phoenix. When one life phase ends, another begins; tarot can help with the transition and transformation. From the Shadowscapes Tarot by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law.