When to change plans? Ask tarot

One of the most common questions tarot readers get is along the lines: should I keep doing what I'm doing, or change the plan and do something else?

This question repeats in every area of life: studies, work, love and relationships with loved ones in general. It is, indeed, tricky to know when to continue and when to change course. The main problem, however, is not necessarily lack of knowledge, new ideas or plans, it's this:

8 Swords.

8 Swords, Rider Waite Smith tarot.

Often in life, when we've been putting in a lot of effort on something, it feels unbearable to think that no fruit came of it. Changing a plan feels like a failure. We often don't feel at ease to quit studies, change careers, change partners or cut out friends, even when it feels there's nothing but roadblocks. The feeling of a roadblock is real, but here's the catch: the roadblock itself is not.

Tarot card 8 Swords symbolises a situation where we can't see a way forward. We're so set on one course or one thinking pattern, that we don't realise nothing else but our own worries, assumptions, expectations and beliefs are stopping us. There's always a choice - a different choice.

8 Swords of Anna K tarot shows, how the feeling of being trapped is just a projection or illusion. The person is free, holding a sword - symbolising power, knowledge and clarity of thought - but she believes she's trapped. In reality, nothing but her own thoughts are keeping her captive.

I once read that an average person makes thousands of choices every day without counting them.

We decide whether to get up or not. Whether to have breakfast or not. What to have for breakfast? What to wear for work? To go to work at all or not? Do some pilates before work or not? Catch a bus or drive? Start with task A or task B? Have a chat with Bernie or Bonnie? Leave early or stay late? Shop at Fresh Groceries or Fresh Produce? Send a few job applications at night? Sign up for couples' counselling or not?

Now, usually it feels that these are not actual choices. Many are self-evident, automated motions we have to carry out to simply live life. But, from a philosophical point of view, they are all choices. And if we chose differently, our day and life would be different.

8 Swords is the mindset where things happen and thoughts are thought, because that's how it's always done. But technically, we could NOT go to work. NOT talk to Bonnie the Boss, but Bernie the Jovial Friend. NOT go shopping at all but drive to Vegas to spend all our money, never come back and forget our job and marriage troubles forever.

Maybe not the best decisions, but decisions and choices nevertheless. And if any of the daily choices are different than usually, the day is different and can gradually produce a different life, when changes and different choices accumulate.

To wind back to bigger life choices. How to know when a change of plans is in order, and how to encourage oneself to take that step?

It can feel daunting to admit that nothing came of this field of studies, career, or relationship. What will everyone else say? How will I be viewed? How can I justify to myself or others I've spent so much time on this, and now I've got no results to show?

This, again is the 8 Swords: feeling trapped due to thoughts. Thoughts are only mental constructions and ways to see the situation, and they can be changed: negative, limiting thoughts produce trapped behaviour; whereas positive, expansive, curious thoughts produce new choices, new plans, new vistas.

I used to do a lot of knitting and that was a hobby that thought me the necessity of sometimes going back and fixing things from the root. If I made a mistake with the pattern, it could not be patched up later on. My creation would very visibly show, almost radiate the fact there was an error. I often had to undo what I had knit, unravel perhaps an hour's work. What a pain. And yet, it simply had to be done to get the best result. If I'm putting a lot of effort into something, why accept grade C quality?

Life is a lot like knitting. We try to create something the best we can, sometimes we follow a pattern, sometimes we wing it, but in every case, if there is a mistake made or wrong turn taken, we might need to humbly go back and do it again - change course, no matter how late it feels.

Nobody excels at living and nobody's life is error free. So let yourself out of the mental jail and stop judging your earlier choices; more importantly, stop listening to anybody who judges your choices.

If something needs to be changed or fixed, don't be afraid of unravelling. What you build next can be much better. At least it's different, and a source for different lessons.

Here's a spread that can help (pull 1-3 cards for each question depending on your preferences and skills).

When and how to change plans?

What in my life needs to change?

To what direction should the change be?

What action to take to change it?

What have I learned from going through this path until the change?

What in my life needs to stop altogether?

How to stop it?

What in my life needs to start?

How to start it?

Tarot cards 8 Wands and 8 Cups symbolise taking action (or communication); and realising that something does not bring joy any more or won't become fulfilling, no matter how much we try. So, it's better to move on and take action to change plans.

How to use tarot to reconcile with someone?

One of the most common questions tarot readers get is along these lines: "how do I reconnect with someone I've lost from my life (an ex, a friend, a relative)" or even more commonly: "when will we reconnect - when will the other person take action to mend it all?" This question is also often accompanied by "does x regret what they did to me / how they behaved / that they cut ties?"

This is, of course, very natural to ask. If a friendship or love has gone sour, usually one person was more keen to leave than the other and that always leaves a pining party. Even in situations where the break-up or fall-out was a mutual decision, people change their mind over time and start remembering all the good of that relationship. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and same applies with time passing. 

Also, people seem to be "wired" to be very aware and concerned about fairness. Studies on monkeys have shown that our furry cousins also understand the concept of fairness and get offended, if - for example - other monkeys get more or better treats for the same tasks in a test. Monkeys also know how to share and are happy to give some of their treats to others to be fair and loyal, i.e. worth friendship and alliances. 

Same goes with us humans. There is hardly anything as painful as the feeling of being wronged. We normally can't comprehend nor stand the feeling and knowledge that someone has done something unfair towards us - in particular if that was on purpose. People can spend days, weeks and even years trying to figure out what happened, why, and in the worst case scenario, holding a grudge and/or plotting revenge. 

We probably all know that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, so for the sake of a better life, it's always a good plan to either try to solve the problem or move on. Or both. 

I as a reader prefer action-oriented questions such as "what can I do to resolve this?" instead of asking "when will things turn better, or when will the other person take action?" That's because waiting for someone else to deliver is bound to cause more anxiety and helplessness than taking the risk of action.

I also find questions such as "is x regretting their actions" not-very-useful, because there is always a chance that x indeed is not regretting, at all. Not everyone is mature enough to treat others with kindness and respect, and not everyone is mature enough to see any fault in themselves. Realising that x did what they did with no remorse whatsoever might cause more pain and anger than needed. 

As a subject of wrongdoing, it's always up to us to make the decision whether we're ready to forgive, regardless of how regretful the other person is. Victims of narcissists, for example, might never find a day when the wrongdoer regrets - because s/he is not capable of it. 

Asking waiting-oriented questions in the flavour of "when will things happen to me?" is nothing but a way to frustration. The least we can do with the help of tarot - instead of drawing a card after card hoping for the best - is to ask questions to better understand the situation and what really caused the trouble in the first place. After all, what you believe was the reason for the fall-out, might be completely different to the other party. 

For example, I have a wrong button to push and that's people doubting my creativity or intelligence. I've had arguments where I've jumped into a conclusion that the other person is criticising or belittling these, when in fact, the other person did not mean that at all. Always ask, always clarify, always try to talk things through when both are calmed down. 

I am a firm believer of direct action in terms of taking the initiative. If you strongly feel you want to reconnect with someone, do it. Regardless of who "should" be the first to extend a hand. Contact them. Their response will tell, if the bridge can be rebuilt. If it can't, find a way to move on in peace. That person was not meant to be in your life for longer than this, and whatever happened, taught you both a lesson. Something else, something new is awaiting for you.

Here's a spread I made to examine what went wrong and how to try to reconnect:

1. The core of the matter?
2. How I feel about this matter?
3. How x feels about this matter?
4. How I feel about reconnecting?
5. How x feels about reconnecting?
6. If I contact x, what's the most likely response I get?
7. What's the most likely outcome if I approach x?
8. What's the most likely outcome, if I don't approach x?
9. The lesson of this matter to me?
10. The lesson of this matter to x?

 

What is your passion and how to dig it out?

I wrote earlier about finding your passion with tarot, but that post was mostly related to career and work life. Not nearly all passions relate to work, though. What if you lack passion altogether? Does everybody need a passion? Is it dangerous to not be passionate?

It depends on what’s meant by passion. If passion is understood as a driving or burning force akin to obsession, then not having one is definitely not a problem. From personal experience I can say that it feels amazing to feel passionate, but it’s also draining: it’s like a bonfire burning inside, but that can’t go on around the clock. Even positive feelings and passions can burn one’s mind out!

But if passion is understood as something that brings joy, purpose and direction to life, then I think it is dangerous not to have one – or rather, not to recognise one’s passion(s): total lack of passion translates as depression to me.

I believe everyone is passionate about something, i.e. finds meaning and deep joy, but the source varies. For others, the source of passion is family. To others, it’s career. To thirds, it’s travelling, home, hobbies, pets, art, photography, friends, literature, you name it.

In the career passion post I mentioned that I believe a passion is not an activity as such, but a feeling the activity evokes and enables.

Travelling brings excitement and thrill, home brings tranquility and creative opportunities through decoration and renovation projects, family and friends bring belonging, love and being in service of others, and so forth. I think that people who haven’t found their passion do have one (or more), but they simply don’t know their own drivers well enough to identify what are the most joyful, fulfilling, purpose-bringing emotions that exist to them. And that’s where tarot can, again, step in.

For finding a passion or more joy and purpose in life it’s essential to not get too entangled with a specific outcome. Often people believe that they’d be happier if they just had a partner, had a better partner, were fitter or thinner, had more friends, had more exciting hobbies, had a more interesting or a better paying job, had more money in general, if they just won lottery is that too much to ask!

Thousands of tarot spreads have been read about will I get this job, will I date this guy or gal, will I get more money this year, will I be more popular. And thousands of tears of frustration and disappointment have been shed when some or none of that came true.

However, these are all outcomes or for the lack of a better word, containers or platforms for potential emotions.

A new job doesn’t guarantee you’d feel any better about yourself, nor does a new partner or being more fit. What guarantees well-being is you recognising what are your personal triggers for feeling joy, purpose and direction and being able to experience those feelings. It all starts from accurately identifying what is it exactly you want to feel (elated? Happy? Excited? Loved? Self-loved? Appreciated? Energetic? Free to make your own decisions?) and how to get that feeling regardless of your current circumstances, and/or even if your plan A to gain them falls through. There is always a plan B in life. And plans C, D and so forth: a new day.

Here’s an example about what I mean from my own life. I was unsatisfied with my job for years. It’s a decent position with nice colleagues and decent salary, but the content is boooring. I’m creative and curious by nature, whereas in this job the main task is to repeat, repeat, repeat; focus on details and try to polish something to perfection instead of starting over and creating something completely new with a large brush. Type type type, write write write, and when you've done, start over again with a very similar project and report. Year after year!

I had been trying to solve this by doing repeat readings for myself: am I meant to stay or go, what am I supposed to learn, what’s the purpose of this, why am I being forced into a mould that doesn’t fit me? I got nowhere on my own due to frustration and too much emotional investment in this issue: all the messaged seemed muddied and contradictory.

I got a professional reading done by Miranda from Moonbent Tarot and that – combined with my own readings and other readers’ input – clarified it all. Interestingly and truthfully, I learned that what makes me happy in a job is the King of Swords – energy. Being able to be clear, analytical, objective thinker and communicator, and a “thought” leader (such as a scholar, researcher or journalist). And even more interestingly, according to tarot, the purpose of my job is to teach me to become a King of Swords!

My tedious job had, in fact, been a rigorous communication training program where every single word counts: it was all about editing, polishing, summarising, clarifying, making highly detailed legal and technical content crystal clear, over and over again. It’s like being trained by a strict teacher from the 19th century: get it 100% right, no ifs or buts, no “good enoughs”.

And now, when I’m submitting my first PhD articles to peer review and publication I can honestly say I wouldn’t have managed to put together publishable material without this exercise and experience. I would have never picked this specific job had I known I won’t be able to change jobs when I happen to feel like it (I seriously think I’ve been held “captive” by the Universe, because despite my best continuous efforts I didn’t find another job) and now suddenly I realise that it was for the best. What I’m getting is not what I wanted. It’s not at all what I thought I ordered. But inwardly and from a personal evolution perspective, it is exactly what I need, a “necessary step”, as one clairvoyant told me.

Life, and tarot, don't nearly always deliver a package that looks like what you wanted. But after unwrapping and unraveling all the padding, what is inside might well be the pearl you've been searching for.

Before you go on apply for a new job, take another look on your current one with tarot: what is it you really want in life? What sort of feelings, emotions, experiences, thoughts, mindset? And can your current job teach or offer any of them, if you change your perspective?

What makes you happy? Any big or small activity, thought, situation, surroundings, people etc. count.

Tarot and reconciling with an ex?

I have mainly read for myself for the past four years, but a few months ago I made the leap of faith to start reading for other people – remotely, completely online. My sitters come from all over the world, the only things that connect them are the access to internet, interest towards tarot and a burning question they need an answer for.

I never meet my clients, I don’t know anything about them and next to nothing about their questions, and yet I’m supposed to generate a meaningful answer. And mystically, amazingly, that’s exactly what cards do. Sometimes people give me a sentence or two for background information, such as is the situation about romance, friendship, work or what. Sometimes all I get is “what is X planning regarding me” and I have no clue who is X and what these plans could be: hire the querent? Promote him/her? Marry him/her? Kick them out? And… the cards tell me.

There is a certain element of danger in tarot but it’s not what some people fear – that it’s some sort of a gateway for malevolent entities or attract demons or whatnot in your life. It actually is about tarot being a gateway, but it's into one’s own mind, and being cuttingly honest in it. What’s the deepest, most bare thought or desire about something, will surface with the cards.

How to fly when you feel like breaking down? Picture Sabrina M, published under CC licence. 

Through cards, I have got answers for myself and for others that the querent most definitely did not expect or want to hear.

I’ve been asked to describe someone’s beloved, and the description I got was not the person’s current partner, but her ex. And it came as a shock to the sitter herself that the ex, indeed, was the one in her mind. I’ve been asked how to make the “misbehaving” soon-to-be ex to act like the sitter wanted. And the answer I got was not about the uncooperative partner but the sitter herself: what should she fix in her own behaviour and tantrums to be able to ask for changes in her partner. Or for myself, what is my most negative personality trait and that also revolved around hysterics and tantrums in relationships… I don’t even lose my **** often but it still came up!

The most disheartening answers are, of course, negatives for question we’d so yearn to hear positive news about. Will I get this job? NO. Will X ask me out? NO. Will things work all right between me and my ex? NO. Will I be happy soon? NO. However, with tarot the answer is never black and white and that’s why also my readings follow the pattern: yes, and… or unfortunately looks like no, but… There is simply more to the story than the plain, short positive or negative affirmation. "Yes, because of these reasons and this will follow", or "no because of these reasons and here’s what you could do about it to make things better".

I actually hesitated setting up this website and reading service because the questions I am asked about most often relate to reconciling with one’s ex. That, by nature, is a very difficult topic, because exes are usually exes for a reason. At least one person, if not both, walked out because they were so fed up and done that there was nothing left to try. 

Oftentimes, of course, the situation is not this simple and the relationship is much more complicated – or the circumstances are complicating it – and things could still play out to any direction. Nevertheless, the general life experience tells me that if a couple breaks up, the odds are at the side of not reconciling; how could I keep delivering these dire news to hopeful people who are willing to try anything to give it a one more try? 

Tarot has an answer. Yes, quite often I get gloomy cards for the idea of reconciliation: nah, not gonna happen, just keep walking. But sometimes the cards show cautious hope, a tiny ray of light. But they also often show what the sitter should do and change in his/her behaviour to make any progress and that's the key: we can only change ourselves, we can't force others to do anything - man up, take responsibility, treat us better.. Nope. It all starts from ourselves and setting our own example and boundaries. And tarot will handily, readily and honestly tell you if there is something that should or could change from your part, so that any changes can happen from other's part. 

I think the biggest advantage of a tarot reading in a break up situation is to prepare oneself for the worst, if it (a permanent separation) were to come; or armor oneself with hope and resilience, if the emotions could still be salvaged to full-bloom, more mature love with more mature and loving actions. Maybe the relationship could be saved to friendship, affection and respect, if no romantic love can bud anymore.

At the very least, the cards tell what you can learn about the break up, the finished relationship and about yourself to be able to move on and succeed with much better chances next time. There might be a reason why this relationship didn't work - - - a better one might just be in the horizon!

Sun will always rise eventually.