How to handle naysayers?

How to deal with people who are putting you or your plans and dreams down? We all have encountered one or two (or a dozen) of those in life and will keep encountering them, both IRL (in real life) and online, there's unfortunately no way out of it. But how to handle those situations without losing your temper, face or self-esteem in the process?

Six years ago, I made a decision to move to Australia. I had lived abroad before and wanted to turn my life around completely, due to general dissatisfaction with my career prospects, climate, and cultural atmosphere in general (pessimistic and whinging) at home. I wanted to see what else is there (btw I absolutely love that song of the same title by Royksopp, a Norweigan duo).

I got two kinds of responses to my foolishly courageous plans to quit my well-paying job, leave everything behind, sell my belongings and hop on a plane with no visibility about if I would succeed. Others thought I'm brave and adventurous. Others said I'm mad and warned me profusely about how I'll fail and regret my choice.

I left anyway.

We all get a cr@ploads of criticism in life: some think we should have kids. Some think we shouldn't have kids. Some think we should have more kids. Some think we should have decided to have fewer kids. Some think we should change jobs. Some think we should stay in our current job. And so on, ad infinitum.

To be able to deal with this, it's essential to figure where the criticism is really coming from. It actually has very little to do with my or your decisions. It has everything to do with the worldview of the critic.

Surprisingly many people have a - subconscious - mindset like this: "Other people's decisions that contradict my life, are critique towards me, hence I have to defend my decision by attacking their decisions; or I need to convert them to believe in my values and worldview."

People with kids can think that childless couples are undermining the value of a family and sacrifices of parents. People in steady (but perhaps dull) jobs can think that more entrepreneurial people are critiquing their decision to stay put instead of chasing dreams they once had.

We are all part of a so called "world-making project" (a word from philosophy and sociology) where other people's behaviour is setting an example for us and vice versa. 

What is common for us to see, we believe is normal, and if our common and normal is questioned, we start fearing that we have to change our lives too at some point in the future, because the normal itself has changed. Or, that our decisions won't be as widely accepted in the future, because we are no longer the norm, the majority, the typical.

This, I believe, is behind the fierce attacks against legalising same sex marriage. Some people in traditional marriages can't stand the idea that their marriage is made "less normal" by expanding the definition of marriage.

My point is that whenever you encounter a naysayer or a critic - regarding your tarot business, alternative lifestyle, pre-Christian religion/spirituality, or anything else under the sun - remember it's not about you. It's about the critic.

It's revealing what their worldview and normal are, and how they are struggling with understanding your normal. It's not a reason to change your beliefs, but it is an opportunity to engage: why is the person so invested in convincing you that you have to change, or change your dreams and plans? How are your dreams and plans "threatening" this person? How can you assure that your normal is, in fact, enriching the world, not taking away from it?

Here's a little spread I devised to explore your own bias, to be mindful of it. 

1. What do I believe about the world? 
2. What in my beliefs is something others find hard to accept?
3. What in others' beliefs is something I find hard to accept?
4. What is the best action for me to take to bridge the gap between me and others (naysayers)?
5. How to build my confidence to believe in my message/dream?

And a sample reading:

1 - 6 PENTACLES Reversed. I believe that everyone has something to give (to me and others). I only have to look for opportunities and take what comes, acknowledge the blessings. I read the 6 Pents rx as me receiving something and 6 Pents upright as me (or the querent) giving something to others.

2 - TEMPERANCE. People don't think it's easy to have a balanced give and take. It takes a lot of effort to understand that when you give, you're not being taken advantage of. If you give freely, it will come back to you in one form or another; and if you receive, you should pay it forward. 

3 - 8 WANDS Reversed. Others believe it's better to keep your thoughts to yourself and not act too fast. I don't believe in non-communication: in fact, I think the world needs more honesty and discussion, genuine attempts to try to understand each other, and more action to sort problems.

4 - FOOL. Don't care, just move on, walk your own path. True! :D

5 - CHARIOT. Trust that you have the willpower to make the life you want, and tell the messages you believe in. Don't budge or dodge, just do it.

If you have a vision, believe in it. If others don't believe in it, it just means they are not on the same mental platform yet. Photo (c) Tarot for Change.

Roadblocks of being a pro tarot reader

I wrote earlier about the start of my journey as a "professional", i.e. paid tarot reader. The reason I put professional in brackets is that this is not my full time job and I do "normal" office work as my full-time career. However, I think that once people are willing to pay for my insights, it is at least semi-professional, no matter how big or small sums of money we're talking about.

Because I want this blog to be a channel for useful information, I also believe in full disclosure, meaning no sugar coating. So, I've now hit my first road block as a professional reader and similar blocks probably come to anyone's path, who wish to make a living with or from tarot. If that is something you're planning, here are some real-life issues that might pop up to hinder your progress or rather, the money flow.

Firstly, I don't think tarot is a great way to become rich and it shouldn't be used for (solely) that purpose. Given that tarot is a form of giving advice, people always have other options to obtain advice such as chatting with friends, seeking for formal therapy/life coaching/healing, trying to figure all out on their own... so tarot as a product is "nice extra" for many to buy, it's not a life essential like groceries. Thus, finding for paying clients is always much harder than finding people who'd be happy to get a freebie just to try it out.

I started my paid readings on a bigger business website but unfortunately I didn't generate enough repeat customers to "earn" a continued spot on the site. The website seemed like a great idea at first and it worked in terms of getting regular reading requests and a steady flow of side income, but it was also very competitive between other readers on the site. The pressure is on to outperform the fellow readers, offer something no one else does and so on. Of course, this can lead to stellar service but it can also lead to "empathy overload" aka "unnecessary" repeat readings.

All the feedback I got from customers was positive: they got clear, solid advice to their problems and were happy to move on. Too happy, in a way: they did not need to come back to me to ask for clarifying questions or further advice, because I already laid out the options and what's likely to happen. Hence, no repeat customers, no repeat purchases, not enough cash flow to show to the site I'm worth keeping.

I did not have the knack to deliver readings in a way that persuades people to ask more paid questions or to seek more support and confirmation from tarot. I simply blurted it out there, clear cut, done and dusted, off you go. I also did not have heart to tell customers (stupidly, from my point of view) that I can't answer further questions so I often pulled an extra card on top of the paid cards, if further questions came up in the chat following a reading. Great for customers, bad for business.

I was given a period of 3-4 months to prove my worth and given that many people only pay for a reading every quarter, half a year or for an anniversary, New Year, birthday etc., I don't think that was long enough period to see how many of my customers were keen to come back.

I have also done email readings and face-to-face readings on my own account since Christmas and of these, I first enjoyed in person meetings better than online. I've slowly changed my mind, because reading in person takes  a lot of energy and also time (reading for 60-90 minutes in a row is much harder than flipping out a few cards for an email question). Doing readings after a full work day is actually much more draining I anticipated; for some reason most clients want to see me during the week, not during weekends.

In addition, people can get "addicted" to personal readings and come back time and time again to ask about the same or similar issues. By email this does not tend to happen, people seem more money-conscious when they order things online!

When I started this blog and reading services half a year ago, I consulted another professional tarot reader to see how I would go. I wanted to get an unbiased view instead of a reading tainted by fears or dreams of mine, done by me. She told me that time, timing, scheduling and exhaustion would be the main themes coming up. I wouldn't worry about money (which is true, given I have another paid job), but I would overwork if I didn't pace myself. I should preserve my energy and enthusiasm instead of splashing it all out there, full speed ahead from the beginning. And she turned out to be right. Now I've hit the roadblock she predicted, and I need to regroup and rethink what to do with this business.

I have now come to realise that to protect my own energy levels and interest towards tarot, I have to limit my exposure/immersion in it and focus solely on email readings for now. It does not generate nearly as much income as readings in person or readings on the big business website, but it's still an outlet for people to find me and for me to reach out to those who need tarot. Currently I sell one reading per month, whereas I used to do 5 readings per week on the big business website (priced around $20/each) and 1-3 face to face readings per week ($59/each).

This is a major plunge for me, but funnily enough, I'm not disappointed. All good things in life take time to develop and mature and for now, I feel better to focus on blogging and chatting about tarot instead of treating it as a full-day business.

I have not been as active as I could have in finding customers, and I'm sure I could be a bit further ahead business-wise if I had done all the networking, advertising and pitching I was planning to when I founded this blog. So I'm not saying someone else couldn't be already making some (up to half?) of their income through tarot after first six months in business. However, I do think it's more likely that to build a solid reputation and customer base tarot is a line of business that takes years to come to full fruition. This is to all antsy pants out there who want to be on top of the world within the next quarter! ;)

Best of luck for your tarot (or related esoteric) business if you have one, and feel free to ask a free 3-card sample reading from me. Any topic goes, I'll deliver within 24 hours unless there's a long queue of requests or something urgent stopping me - in which case I'll always let you know.

Requests to tarotsaskia(a)gmail.com

Have a great mid-summer, if you're at the Northern Hemisphere, and great mid-winter, if you're Down Under or someplace else in the South Side!

Do you want to start your own business or other creative project? Make a wish, close your eyes to visualise it - and then follow through in practice. Takes time, effort and sweat, but that's the only way to succeed.

New series - how to be happier?

It's probably clear based on the theme of my blog - life change, growing as a person, seeking for a better quality of life - that this topic interests me hugely. I'm in a lucky position professionally in the sense that I'm regularly sent to very interesting courses about life quality, mindfulness and work life balance.

I decided to start a series of blog articles covering the most interesting snippets of courses and trainings I've attended lately to help you, too.

Teaching #1 What you pay attention to, grows in your mind and life

This is a no-brainer, yet it's really easy to forget or not to live by it in everyday life.

This advice can be understood from a manifestation-point of view, or just as common sense. Manifesters believe that what you apply your mind to, it will be drawn or attracted to be a part of the energy flow of your life. "Common sense people" believe that it's up to you to decide, what occupies your mind. Positive thoughts bring positive feelings and experiences, and negative thoughts bring negativities.

Now, how to apply this to a work life balance situation?

A deceivingly simple tip I recently received is: always try to spend as much time on things you enjoy and as little time as possible on things you dislike.

At work, try to discard most of the tasks you hate, or organise them in a manner it only takes 10-20% of your day to complete them. Fill in the rest with tasks you like. If this requires restructuring your role, do it as far as you can. Ask for new tasks from your supervisor, ask for extra training, take on extra responsibilities in an area that matters to you, offer to swap tasks with a colleague, do everything you can to make this happen.

It's always easier to get more work than less in a workplace -

because other people are usually happy to give their tasks away. For example, if you enjoy meeting new people, could you swap some tasks and include more interaction in your day? Be more in the frontline instead of the back office? Or vice versa?

When I first heard this tip, I thought "that's absolute bollocks! It can't work! I can't just drop doing the boring chores, everybody knows that!". 

However, after tinkering with this for a few weeks and months, I realised that it indeed was possible to minimise the boringness and add some enthusiasm within my role. I chopped the most boring tasks into pieces and do them max. 2 hours per day. Obviously, it takes more days to finish them now, but on the other hand, I stay more focused and make fewer mistakes when I'm not bored to death with something mind-blowingly dull (my role revolves around accounting- and auditing-type chores).

I've added new tasks by volunteering to be an occupational health and safety representative, which allows me to communicate with people more and pay attention to the work environment and its quality, which relates to the overall life quality theme - my passion. I've also proven that I'm good at research so I've recently got more research-based tasks. Tadah, it was possible to make adjustments with a bit of creativity and willingness to do more, not less.

This has fed into the rest of my life, too. Because I'm not constantly bitter and frustrated due to the dissatisfaction with my work, I'm also more productive, energetic and inspired in life in general. I found energy to start this blog. I've started other extracurricular activities I enjoy. I'm expanding my social circles. These in turn feed positive energy into my work life, because I don't feel so stuck and miserable anymore. What I have focused on, has indeed expanded.

If you can't change your tasks (say, you work as a cleaner or a mailman), are there any aspects in your role you enjoy, even a tiny bit? Can you expand those deliberately? Say, you get to listen to the radio when you work. Could you scan new radio stations every day to discover something new? Or start practising dancing when no one's looking? It could be anything and everything, even silly - the main point is that you enjoy it and it makes you feel lighter and more positive about your day.

The same rule applies to housework, too. Use only 10-15% of your free time on tasks you dislike and focus on what you like per day. Don't like cooking? Find ways to make it faster, easier and more fun. Cook together with your family. Eat takeaway. Eat breakfast for dinner just to mix things up. Cook massive portions of two or three dishes once per week, freeze meal-size portions and alternate between dishes for the rest of the week. Use frozen or semi-ready "just add water"-style meals and ready-mixed salads. Someone criticises you for not being a mature adult or a good parent because you eat readymade lasagne? Laugh it off. You're happier and that's what matters.

How to apply this to relationships? I have a topical example of an extended family situation. A friend of mine has a sister-in-law who's very insecure about her parenting style, apparently due to the constant criticism from the mother-in-law.

My friend is not interested in being involved in any sort of a competition or blame game, but she is being dragged into the cat fight. The latest backlash came, when she made an innocent comment online that happened to include her sister-in-law. The Sis attacked her immediately due to a misunderstanding caused by the insecurity and sensitivity to see everything as criticism.

Instead of retaliating, my friend decided to just step back and let go. She focused on staying calm, detached and happy - not my circus, not my monkeys - whereas the Sis is only focusing on screening the environment for criticism and judgement, so that is what she sees, constantly, everywhere. Which person you'd rather be? I know my answer :)

As a crucial last step, try applying this ingredient into the "what you focus on, will expand"- philosophy...

Do something you love every day

Try something new every week

Learn something new every month

Challenge yourself - do something that scares the **** out of you every year

And here's a tarot spread to help you on the way.

1. What should I focus more in my everyday life?
2. What should I focus less in my everyday life?
3. What could I focus more in the grand scheme of things?
4. What should I focus less in the grand scheme of things?
5. What new skill would be beneficial for me? 
6. What I'm still holding on that doesn't serve me at all?

Happiness is a cup of good, strong coffee and a slice of delicious cake. That's why I go to my favourite café once per week to unwind and treat myself!

Embrace the change

Change is at the same time the most natural and the most difficult thing in life.

Life is in constant flow and cannot stay the same, but then again, change is often scary, hazy and unwanted. If everything's fine now, why change? And if everything is not fine, why the change is not already coming, no matter how much we've hoped and wished for it?

I'm probably from the more change-oriented side than most people, because I'm so curious and always ready for experiencing new things in life. However, lately I've felt for the first time that change can also be scary - so scary that it paralyses and prevents action.

My life is 90% frigging great now, as I have almost everything I could have dreamed of. I'm married to my soul mate, I have a beautiful new home, steady job, enough income, established social circles, activities that make me feel that I'm living my purpose (tarot, volunteering etc.).

Given that everything's so well, I've got 10 Pentacles a lot lately - the card of permanence, structures in life, home and family, wealth, everything being as steady and complete as possible. But, this is also the card of comfort zone and complacency. And with having a lot comes the fear of losing a lot.

I've repeated like a parrot that the only area in my life I'm not entirely happy with is my job. It's a great steady position but it offers zero percent of inspiration or creativity. I understand I'm not the only person who's dissatisfied with a seemingly OK role and I don't want to come across ungrateful because I'm definitely trying to see the positives (even though tarot does remind me of that, too, by offering 4 Cups a lot - the card of complacency, ingratitude, boredom, not seeing the blessings in front of my nose).

Where these two cards tie together is the fear of change. 10 Pentacles is completion and 4 Cups is about not being happy with what one has, but still being unable to break the rut - maybe there's laziness,lack of effort, ideas and direction. But both cards talk about stalling.

Ideally I'd find a job that better suits my personality and still offers the same benefits as my current role, but herein lies the catch: what if any other role doesn't come with as good perks? What if I hop off from the ice bucket to boiling water and regret it, with no possibility to backtrack? So, I am my own worst enemy in achieving this goal.

I do a yearly draw around every New Year to see what's coming up and for this year I got cards Ace of Swords, 8 Wands and 8 Cups. They say:

This year I'll see things clearly and will have an excellent plan to execute. I'll see and speak the truth. The year will be filled with fast-paced action, change and communication. I'll be exchanging messages back and forth and "feeling the wind in my hair", it's so thrilling and fast. But, I'll also grow tired with something: I'll acknowledge things didn't go where I wanted them to go and I'm simply not satisfied enough to keep what I have. I must walk away to seek satisfaction from someplace else.

8 Cups has been stalking me since this draw and I've thought it relates to my job. However, with tarot, cards have a tendency to keep popping up if the message is not delivered or no action is taken. I've been confused why I still get this card, when I've identified my job as the "lack of fulfilment" area and I've tried my best to seek fulfilment, by focusing on all the positives and mainly concentrating on topics that matter, such as this blog and my studies.

I found an excellent spread called EMBRACE THE CHANGE from the Daily Tarot Girl blog and because my life is clearly in transition (8 Cups is about seeking for more or something else), I thought I better embrace it to aid myself. I changed the card positions slightly to be more intuitive:

---5---

3-1-4

---2---

1 - Action to ease transition (what to do)
2 - Support (person or energy that helps)
3 - What's being left behind
4 - What you will gain from this change
5 - Higher guidance / advice

Embrace the Change - reading

1 - Action to ease transition (what to do) - 5 WANDS
Try to remember not to take life too seriously, it can be light-hearted fun, a competition and a game. Also, if you want to get to a new place in life and in particular, get a new job, it takes effort and competition. It can't be avoided and there's no point in shying away from this moment of frustrations and trying to win, to come out on top.

2 - Support (person or energy that helps) - TEMPERANCE
You have learned by now to combine and balance, mix and compromise in life. Use that skill. Seek for balance in all areas of life.

I've been a very one-sided person before and this ongoing job situation has definitely helped/forced me to seek balance and be patient. I used to have zero patience with long-term projects or issues, I'd give it a quick go and then abandon it in frustration or out of lack of interest. So growth as a person has definitely happened, thanks to the boring job.

3 - What's being left behind - EMPEROR
Emperor talks about leading my life solely relying on the logical, rational, "masculine" side of the brain. I can see based on this card that the change heralded by the 8 Cups is not just about my job or external situation, it's about a major shift in thinking: my world view and values.

A few years ago, I was still very much a science-believer and wouldn't account anything spiritual, paranormal, metaphysical etc. I've always been artistic but saw that as "nice to have" skill instead of something more - because it's so difficult to earn a living as an artist. I had pretty much been indoctrinated by the modern society, politicians and the economists to believe that what has monetary value is what matters, and what has to do with emotions, intuition, kindness, "soft skills", is additional extra but not as important because you can't export it to earn money.

Duh, what an unbalanced way to think and live! One side can't work without the other and I've gone through a crash course to learn to appreciate "feminine" traits and values, such as intuition and creativity.

4 - What you will gain from this change - 8 CUPS.
Here's my stalker again. Interestingly, it came up as a positive (what I'll gain) and I also got this in a position of family and friends in another spread yesterday, so now I finally understand the message.

I've been emotionally unsatisfied with my social circles, because I mainly work and socialise with people who are quite different from me personality-wise. Most are not very interested in deeper questions in life and that's what's lacking. I need a quest to find my tribe, people whose thinking and values resonate better with  me. Not that I'd abandon my current friends, but there's always room for more, isn't there!

5 - Higher guidance / advice - STAR
Star means guidance, positive take, optimism and direction and I generally read it to mean: you're following your higher guidance, you're on the right path. So this card in this position is a double whammy - yes, what you're leaving behind what you're gaining is a beneficial change you need to make to fulfil your destiny; to be the best version of yourself.

Embrace the Change, done with Buckland Romani Tarot.

When career change seems impossible

I'm a huge believer in plan C. Let me explain. Usually people have plan A for action and if that fails, there's plan B. But if both fail, many give up and just stay put, miserable, blaming bad luck.

For me plan C is not just another plan, but it's a cunning mid-way scheme to tackle the problem or roadblock with creativity and change of perspective. Depending on how you think of it, it can be a compromise, or finding a proverbial or symbolical back door, window, chimney or a tiny crack behind a cupboard to squeeze through towards the direction you want to go.

Most importantly, plan C is about really exploring and recognising what is your true desire. Because your dream or plan A & B might not be the gateway to what you really want. This is what I mean:

My today's Druid Oracle card was Woad reversed. It's a tall plant with small yellow flowers and it was used for dying fabric in the olden days of Celtic Druids - in particular the war cloths of the Celtic warriors. The upright meaning of the card is freedom and warriorship (fighting for your freedom and passions, going after your goals), but the reversed meaning is as follows: instead of seeking freedom from something, why not seek freedom for something?

The very things you think are limiting you, might actually be working for your benefit, if you find goals that make your heart sing and rearrange your life to allow you to pursue these goals within what is currently available to you.

An example: I relocated to Australia years ago from Northern Europe because I was completely done with the gloomy climate and the equally gloomy economic situation. I often receive questions from friends and strangers alike, asking how they could get to Australia, because it's their dream, too. When they realise relocation takes a lot of time, money, tenacity and skills and perseverance to tackle bureaucracy, all of them have given up - at first.

However, some explore what's their desire a bit further. For some, it's new experiences and better job opportunities. To others, it's life in the sun, close to the sea. One friend of mine has moved to London for job purposes and is doing fine, and another moved to a Mediterranean island, and is doing equally fine. Both changes were relatively easy and inexpensive to undertake within the European Union (no visa hassle), once they realised what was the real desire. It wasn't Australia. It was something that could be obtained elsewhere, with better chances.

Another example: I work in an office in an area that is not particularly inspiring - truth to be told, it's the opposite of inspiring. I've felt for years I could achieve much more if I just found a better suited role, a more creative one. I've sent countless applications, rewritten my resume a number of times, tried networking, tried pretty much everything any business success guide recommends, with no luck.

Partly, if not mostly, my success was hindered by - - - myself. I'm too comfortable with my current salary and very flexible hours, and have not wanted to sacrifice those by trading off to something more rigid and stressful.

After years of job hunt, I've understood there is no job on earth that would fulfil all my needs: no job - other than working for myself - can offer freedom to do whatever interests me at a time that suits me, and remain intriguing and inspiring day after day.

It took a lot of soul searching and tarot readings and a complete change of perspective to see that my current job is a necessary sacrifice to achieve the lifestyle I want: a comfortable financial position, flexibility, a chance to do my PhD without financial worries, a chance to run my own creative projects like this blog, a chance to set up a rewarding side business without stressing my head off about the initial lack of income.

The moral of the story is: what is it you truly desire? 

You might think you need a new job. But would it actually make you happier?

Yes, you might get rid of some nasty people you don't need around, or release yourself from mind-numbing tasks. But the fact remains that many (if not most) of today's jobs just are by nature boring, repetitive and also come with annoying colleagues. There is no heaven or panacea at the job markets, I suspect. So, ask yourself: what is it that would make you happy? A chance to be more autonomous? Have clearer purpose? Have more time for yourself or your family? A chance to self-develop? Experience something new? Rid yourself of a particular person?

The next step is to devise plan C to achieve what you desire. If you're unhappy with your job and can't get another one, is it possible to rearrange or reallocate some tasks? Transfer to another department, office or city? Go on a training course or take study leave and eventually leverage yourself to a new role? Momentarily rely on your partner's income and/or your savings while you take leave without pay or stress leave to go on full time job hunt?

Or, could you move to a cheaper location to manage with smaller income, if you need to take a pay cut with a new, lower-level or part-time job? Can you take leave without pay, rent your pad and go on a couple of months' holiday in a cheaper country to regain your energy and find inspiration? Move back home to share the living costs with your folks? Or find elements to be grateful for and make them work for your benefit in your current situation? A 180 degree turn in your attitude to see only the benefits and none of the negatives?

A problem I personally have is the tendency to take on too much: obligations, tasks and projects in and out of work. The tarot card 10 Wands picks this perfectly by usually depicting a person carrying a heavy bundle of branches. At some stage picking each one of them felt doable and maybe even a good idea, but too much is too much.

Getting this card in a reading is a clear reminder that now it's time to declutter everything that is not absolutely necessary. Any work task that can be reallocated, should be. Any duty or household chore that could be done by someone else, should be. Any personal project that's mainly a drag now, should be left alone for a while, if not dropped altogether.

One avenue people often overlook is the support of friends. If you hope to change jobs, do you already know people from that field? If not, how could you find them? Talking with people who work in your desired field can also reveal is that what you truly want - does it match your expectations? Are there any associations, networking circles or just friends of friends you could connect with?

My experience is that nearly everyone is happy to meet for coffee to give advice, if that's the only thing you ask. Asking someone else to find a job is a bit too much, but asking tips, information about skills requirements and networking chances is another matter altogether. and the majority of people are more than happy to help, because most of us enjoy seeing someone progress and reach their dreams.

Based on my own experience and people around me, the biggest obstacle between you and a change for better is the blockage caused by stress, which in turn causes lack of perspective, lack of fresh new ideas and lack of energy to execute any plan, no matter if it's A or C. Hence, the most essential task to start with is to release stress, on an ongoing basis.

I strongly recommend doing sports you enjoy (anything from swimming or gentle walks in the park to combat sports or full-on cardio) and/or spending time in nature - either in your back yard, garden or a nearby park, or in the wilderness. Regularly. Preferably multiple times per week.

If you think this is waste of time or an additional luxury you can't do... think again. It's the first brick of your golden road to success and your road can't be built, if you, the builder, are too exhausted to lift a finger or form a proper sentence! I've seen this work with plenty of people, including myself. I would still be in my personal pit of misery had I not relied on sports and nature - in addition to tarot - to gain extra energy to actually see the positives of my current situation.

It's been scientifically proven that natural settings and any form of exercise reduce stress immensely and are the natural release systems to rid your body of stress hormones, the "fight or flight" chemicals we all incur every day. Half an hour per day in nature can make all the difference, because it allows your body to relax and your mind wander freely, to explore and find potential answers.

If you combine the "nature or sports treatments" with exploring your feelings and mindset with tarot, I can almost guarantee your life's direction and chances will start looking much, much better!

Some useful questions to ask from your cards could be for example:

How to be more satisfied with life?

1. What I think would make me happy but in reality, wouldn't?
2. What really makes me happy?
3. How to obtain happiness within my current situation?
4. What to change to have more happiness?
5. What to accept (can't change right now)?
6. What should be my short term goal in finding happiness?
7. What should be my long term goal in finding happiness?
8. What is the most urgent thing to do for better well-being?

Woad, Druid Oracles.

Interview by Berlin Tarot Parlor - what's it like to read professionally?

Louise, the owner of Berlin Tarot Parlor, runs a fresh and informative blog and reading service. Louise was interested in hearing my views about tarot, reading professionally, and what tarot can give to the seekers, so she asked me 10+1 questions online about tarot, including my favourite cards.

Louise's plan is to interview tarot readers around the world to give insights about different takes on how to read, why to read and what sort of benefits or revelations tarot cards can offer. Her blog is also packed with handy infographics, so it's a great place to start seeking advice on how to interpret the cards.

Take a look on the full interview here:

http://tarotparlor.com/blog/tarot-interview-with-anu-saskia/

Snippets from the interview

Tarot Parlor T.P: How did you discover Tarot?

Anu Saskia A.S: By coincidence, or fate, depending on one’s viewpoint! I went through a divorce in 2011. I was desperate for solace and guidance, so I ordered a free astrology reading online. It came with a complementary Tarot reading. The cards I got were so accurate that I just stared at them in awe and shock.

T.P: What is the cliche about Tarot that annoys you the most?

A S: That it’s either a hoax or something evil. I understand that for a today’s non-religious, scientifically geared mindset it’s difficult to believe that pieces of paper could bear any messages, other than what’s imagined or superimposed on them by our own hopes, fears and wishful thinking. But I personally like to approach “paranormal” topics without prior assumptions either way. Tarot is not evil or satanic, either. It’s about interpreting symbols in the same way than interpreting dreams. Would anyone label discussing dreams or trying to understand their intuitive message as evil?

T.P: If you read professionally, what questions come up more often?

A S: Romantic relationships and career are the top areas to ask about. Both men and women around the world are anxious to know when they'll find the one. Many ask about reconciling with an ex. Another major area is career direction.

In general, a tarot reader gets a mixed bag of all sorts: will my cat come home, how will this legal proceeding go, should I contact a childhood friend, will this argument be reconciled, will my finances improve soon? More often than not questions veer towards: will my situation change for better due to someone else taking action, or the universe changing it? I always remind that you are the one in charge of your life.

T.P: What’s the strangest or most difficult question someone has asked you in a reading?

A S: Can you locate a specific book I've lost? The cards gave advice that didn’t mean much to me but when I relayed it to the sitter, she found the book, based on the advice. All questions about finding things are tricky, because cards are symbolic, not literal, and they work better when discussing mental, emotional or spiritual aspects of life instead of the material plane. In general, people don't tend to ask strange questions - they ask what they would ask from a friend, for guidance, advice and perspective.

The full answers and the rest of the 10+1 questions can be found in the link above. I hope you enjoy it!

Keep fighting or give up? Tarot's perspective

One of the most prominent lessons in my own life has been: how to draw a line between "don't give up now" and "give up now". After all, most things in life don't just land on us or if they do, sustaining them require more or less work. Be it a relationship, friendship, job, family, achieving a dream.

When things flow easily, there's no need to consider should the flow continue or not. Of course it should. But when going gets tough... how many weeks, months or years are we supposed to keep fighting for something that is - or once was - important? I'm sure all of us have heard instructions to "try harder, you'll make it at the end if you just believe in yourself" and "don't bang your head against the wall, surely you can see it's not going anywhere". How to tell the difference?

Tarot, once again, is a great tool. I see tarot as a mirror that shows what's inside us, what's invisible to the naked eye. And like a mirror, the message is an exact replica of the real feeling, it can't be faked, buried or ignored.

When is an ending really the end?

Tarot contains a lot of cards for a periodic trouble that can be annoying, disappointing, shocking or even heartbreaking, but are, after all, fleeting. But tarot also contains cards that indicate final closure. Something's ran it's course and it won't revive, no matter how much we kick and scream and try to give CPR. Some endings are sudden, surprising or ground-shaking, some are slow fizzles to death, fading to nothingness one day at a time.

None of the tarot cards has a fixed, single meaning and the meaning gets different shades depending on the question.

But usually, I'd say that cards like 5 Cups (disappointment), 3 Swords (heartache), 5 Pentacles (physical or mental hardship), 9 Swords (anxieties and nightmares), 5 Swords (arguments and dishonesty) and 5 Wands (conflicts, frustrations) fall into the category of momentary shocks.

The "full-stop" endings usually are Death (painful transformation), 10 Swords (sudden, complete ending), 8 Cups (abandoning something to go seek fulfilment elsewhere) and World (end of a cycle or chapter). Also 6 Swords (leaving worries behind) can come up as a final ending rather than a temporary refuge. Tower, the card of crumbling beliefs and expectations, can mean either type of an ending. Note: the keywords above are not exhaustive, just indicative.

Both ending types can be equally distressing, but with both types, it's difficult to tell, whether this really is the end. With a shock end, the very shock itself makes it hard to believe something's really over. With a fading end, the slow pace makes it difficult to recognise when the day has come a friendship, love, passion or interest doesn't exist anymore.

If you're going through something difficult and do a reading, try and scope which type of ending cards you get (if any, it's not necessarily even close to the end!): is the potential ending a pause or a semicolon, or a full stop?

If there's another person involved (in a relationship or friendship questions), what type of ending cards - if  any - show up for the other person? Are you on the same page - is this a momentary obstacle, or is the other person or you already in the mindset of wrapping it up for good and heading to the greener pastures?

I want to emphasise how important it is to remember that ending is always followed by a new beginning, of something new or something different. Seeing ending cards in a reading can be daunting, but nothing new in life can emerge and grow if nothing never ends. Some endings, like the World, 6 Swords, 8 Cups or Death can actually be a huge relief, welcomed news or a reason to celebrate afterwards, even if they are painful and sad when in process.

Well, how do you know if things should still be fought for?

The simplest and very workable spread is 4 cards: situation - challenge - advice - outcome.

I often use this, because it gives a quick, concise overview of what exactly is the core of the matter, is there anything to be done and what's the likely outcome.

If it's about a relationship, examining both partners' (or friends' / colleagues') views is useful. The simplest reading I know is the 7 cards relationship spread:

2        5

3   1   6

4        7

card positions:

1 - the relationship

2 - how you see the relationship

3 - how you feel in the relationship

4 - your instinctive hopes or fears

5 - how the other sees the relationship

6 - how the other feels in the relationship

7 - the other's instinctive hopes or fears

In my experience, instead of clarifiers ("I don't understand this card, I'll pull another in hopes that I understand that one better), it's clearer and more useful to ask proper questions and pull a card per question, for instance:

What does X most want or need from me?
What do I most want or need from X?
What will s/he most likely do in this situation?
What will I most likely do?
If I do [insert action], how will I feel?
What would be my best course of action? (this requires 1-3 cards)

However, no card can tell you for a certain fact that now it's time to give up. A combination of conscious deliberation (have I made any progress in six months or is any progress likely in next six months), gut feeling and cards will help the most.

Hope this brings clarity for decision making!

A detail of 6 Swords card, Mystic Dreamer tarot, Heidi Darras & Barbara Moore.

Don't give away your power

I've been thinking about the topic of empowering for quite some time now, due to my own circumstances. I've always believed that everyone has the power to change and direct their own life: whatever you want to reach or achieve, you should go after it - the universe will conspire to help you get there. If not in the exact same form you presumed, and possibly through "blessing in disguise" path, but to the destination nevertheless.

But.

For the past few years, I've felt like my career is on the side track. I left my previous career in my country of origin to move to Australia: to achieve a dream to live in the land of sun instead of rain and sleet. I found a job from a completely unrelated field, felt happy about it for a while, but then started to think I better go back to my "own field". I started applying for jobs. To no avail. Employers wanted none of me or my experience, because it was foreign and I didn't have the same credentials, networks and experience as the locals. I simply got the door thrown shut on my face again and again.

How could this happen, if the universe really conspires to help us reach our goals? What about the law of attraction, manifesting, positive thinking, perseverance, good old hard work to achieve goals?

None of those seemed to work the slightest.

As you can imagine, I've done countless of readings about what should I do, how to approach this dilemma, but mostly - let's be honest here, maybe 90% of the times - I read for: will I get this job?

I've got a whole range of answers from "of course you'll get it" and didn't, and "no you won't, it will be a disappointment" and it was; and "you'll get distracted and won't apply for the job", and that happened too.

The theme that has remained has been: something in me and my thinking needs to change, there is a lesson underway which I have not yet completed but am, in fact, resisting. But I couldn't decipher what the lesson could possibly be, other than murder my previous experience and enthusiasm and swap it for something quite mundane and uninspiring - why would that be a great lesson? WHYYYYY? I've cried more than once.

At the turn of the year it finally clicked. It's a fact I can't return to my old specialist field because the credentials and expectations here are different than in the country where I obtained my degree and previous work experience. However, as I am doing a PhD degree, this current arrangement is the best I can think of: my job allows me to fund my life and studies, whereas if I were on a scholarship, I'd be in a very tight spot financially. If I were to change jobs before my degree is ready, I'd lose time, energy and focus to study; as I would be learning the new job and it could prove stressful.

What else clicked was: I was giving away my power by expecting that things will magically fall into place if I just wish for them. I didn't have a proper plan what sort of a job or career I'd like to pursue, so I applied for anything and everything even remotely interesting, without properly tailoring my paperwork and showing that I am the best candidate for this particular job, not "just give me a new, different job already." And by asking questions like "will I get this job", I relied on the positive or negative answer and did not try my best - I either grew complacent or got discouraged.

I felt all this time that my cards were taunting me and giving either extremely  positive answers to lift my spirits (which would then be crushed by a negative outcome), or repeating cards I couldn't understand in this context: Death, Devil, 4 Cups, 7 Swords.

Now I've finally figured that Death has meant a profound change I've underwent and it relates to both career and life in general. I no longer care about a prestigious title or a powerful position at work, I care about evolving as a person, learning, feeling inspired in life. Devil means all the fears and negativity that I've harboured, such as "will I be stuck here forever" without having a proper, step-by-step plan where I'd rather be and what exactly I'd be doing.

4 Cups has flagged the opportunity I currently have but was overlooking: the chance to study and work at the same time. I've been so preoccupied with my job woes that last year I didn't progress much with my studies.

7 Swords is a "research" card for me - gather other people's thoughts and ideas for your own purposes, but it's also the "run with your own agenda" card: have a plan. Set a strategy. Do what serves your interests first and foremost. Don't bend over backwards for others (but remember to be a decent person, nevertheless and always).

When I changed my perspective and started asking "how to do this / what should I focus on now" instead of "will I get X, Y, Z, yes or no", I've got much more meaningful and trustworthy answers, too. I feel like I've found the track again.

I still believe that positive thinking and dreams are the key for success, but they won't work without intention: where exactly should you go next, why and how. Chaotic thoughts and random firing (of applications, plans or frustrations) can't possibly produce a clear-cut result nor much progress.

I understand from experience that life doesn't always change for better even with the best of plans and strategies. But I also think that very often people think they have a goal or even a plan, when in fact they have a bundle of unsorted, more or less chaotic emotions, frustrations and wishes. If I only found a partner, if I only lost weight, if I only found a new job... everything would be better.

But what practical, daily, one-by-one steps you could actually take, instead of waiting for the universe to deliver? What small thing could you do differently every day to get to the goal? And what if some of the elements you want in life are actually within your reach already, if you just change your perspective?

Magician - card is sometimes seen as a trickster or manipulator, but to me it's a person who manages to align his/her will (intention) and actions to produce a successful outcome. After all, even a magician can't perform a trick if there is no clear intention or plan: am I trying to get a bunny out of this hat, or a pigeon, or a bunch of flowers - or something completely different? Picture via Dark Tarot , couldn't find the artist attribution. 

What is your passion and how to dig it out?

I wrote earlier about finding your passion with tarot, but that post was mostly related to career and work life. Not nearly all passions relate to work, though. What if you lack passion altogether? Does everybody need a passion? Is it dangerous to not be passionate?

It depends on what’s meant by passion. If passion is understood as a driving or burning force akin to obsession, then not having one is definitely not a problem. From personal experience I can say that it feels amazing to feel passionate, but it’s also draining: it’s like a bonfire burning inside, but that can’t go on around the clock. Even positive feelings and passions can burn one’s mind out!

But if passion is understood as something that brings joy, purpose and direction to life, then I think it is dangerous not to have one – or rather, not to recognise one’s passion(s): total lack of passion translates as depression to me.

I believe everyone is passionate about something, i.e. finds meaning and deep joy, but the source varies. For others, the source of passion is family. To others, it’s career. To thirds, it’s travelling, home, hobbies, pets, art, photography, friends, literature, you name it.

In the career passion post I mentioned that I believe a passion is not an activity as such, but a feeling the activity evokes and enables.

Travelling brings excitement and thrill, home brings tranquility and creative opportunities through decoration and renovation projects, family and friends bring belonging, love and being in service of others, and so forth. I think that people who haven’t found their passion do have one (or more), but they simply don’t know their own drivers well enough to identify what are the most joyful, fulfilling, purpose-bringing emotions that exist to them. And that’s where tarot can, again, step in.

For finding a passion or more joy and purpose in life it’s essential to not get too entangled with a specific outcome. Often people believe that they’d be happier if they just had a partner, had a better partner, were fitter or thinner, had more friends, had more exciting hobbies, had a more interesting or a better paying job, had more money in general, if they just won lottery is that too much to ask!

Thousands of tarot spreads have been read about will I get this job, will I date this guy or gal, will I get more money this year, will I be more popular. And thousands of tears of frustration and disappointment have been shed when some or none of that came true.

However, these are all outcomes or for the lack of a better word, containers or platforms for potential emotions.

A new job doesn’t guarantee you’d feel any better about yourself, nor does a new partner or being more fit. What guarantees well-being is you recognising what are your personal triggers for feeling joy, purpose and direction and being able to experience those feelings. It all starts from accurately identifying what is it exactly you want to feel (elated? Happy? Excited? Loved? Self-loved? Appreciated? Energetic? Free to make your own decisions?) and how to get that feeling regardless of your current circumstances, and/or even if your plan A to gain them falls through. There is always a plan B in life. And plans C, D and so forth: a new day.

Here’s an example about what I mean from my own life. I was unsatisfied with my job for years. It’s a decent position with nice colleagues and decent salary, but the content is boooring. I’m creative and curious by nature, whereas in this job the main task is to repeat, repeat, repeat; focus on details and try to polish something to perfection instead of starting over and creating something completely new with a large brush. Type type type, write write write, and when you've done, start over again with a very similar project and report. Year after year!

I had been trying to solve this by doing repeat readings for myself: am I meant to stay or go, what am I supposed to learn, what’s the purpose of this, why am I being forced into a mould that doesn’t fit me? I got nowhere on my own due to frustration and too much emotional investment in this issue: all the messaged seemed muddied and contradictory.

I got a professional reading done by Miranda from Moonbent Tarot and that – combined with my own readings and other readers’ input – clarified it all. Interestingly and truthfully, I learned that what makes me happy in a job is the King of Swords – energy. Being able to be clear, analytical, objective thinker and communicator, and a “thought” leader (such as a scholar, researcher or journalist). And even more interestingly, according to tarot, the purpose of my job is to teach me to become a King of Swords!

My tedious job had, in fact, been a rigorous communication training program where every single word counts: it was all about editing, polishing, summarising, clarifying, making highly detailed legal and technical content crystal clear, over and over again. It’s like being trained by a strict teacher from the 19th century: get it 100% right, no ifs or buts, no “good enoughs”.

And now, when I’m submitting my first PhD articles to peer review and publication I can honestly say I wouldn’t have managed to put together publishable material without this exercise and experience. I would have never picked this specific job had I known I won’t be able to change jobs when I happen to feel like it (I seriously think I’ve been held “captive” by the Universe, because despite my best continuous efforts I didn’t find another job) and now suddenly I realise that it was for the best. What I’m getting is not what I wanted. It’s not at all what I thought I ordered. But inwardly and from a personal evolution perspective, it is exactly what I need, a “necessary step”, as one clairvoyant told me.

Life, and tarot, don't nearly always deliver a package that looks like what you wanted. But after unwrapping and unraveling all the padding, what is inside might well be the pearl you've been searching for.

Before you go on apply for a new job, take another look on your current one with tarot: what is it you really want in life? What sort of feelings, emotions, experiences, thoughts, mindset? And can your current job teach or offer any of them, if you change your perspective?

What makes you happy? Any big or small activity, thought, situation, surroundings, people etc. count.