New Year 2019 - happy healing!

The turn of the year is traditionally a time to reflect the past and anticipate and plan the future. Divination has been a part of new year traditions in many cultures for aeons.

For example, my family used to do tin casting, melting of little horse shoes made of tin, to predict the coming year based on the shadow the melted lump would cast on the wall. My parents have never been believers in divination, really, but that was a fun and family-friendly tradition we always did in the late evening of the New Year's Eve, before venturing out to watch the fireworks in the snow.

Instead of horse shoes or melting metal, these days I'm more interested in the messages Tarot cards can deliver. For next year, I decided to take a look what I could focus on in terms of inner and outer healing; repairing or improving something in my outlook in life.

Here's a 9-card example reading if you'd like to try this at home.

What I need to heal in 2019 and why? 7 PENTACLES RX - ACE OF WANDS RX

I need to heal my impatience, the forever-present feeling that things should already be happening and I should already be reaping the rewards even if I just started something new. Projects, ideas, new life stages naturally need time to unfold and mature and hurrying up this process is like trying to force a plant to grow - useless. Everything will grow taking its time. Feeling impatient, frustrated or trapped by it is equally useless. Breath, relax, calm down, put in the effort but also remember to allow time for baby steps and quiet, slow progress.

Why is it important to learn patience? Without it, I quickly burn out my enthusiasm and zest. Ideas and plans spark to life and die as quickly, without leaving any mark to the world, if I don't have the patience and grit to carry them out fully. Even if it takes twice as long as I anticipated or would like.

What are the best steps to take to heal? 9 CUPS - 6 WANDS

Enjoy daydreaming and revelling in wishes, hopes, plans and past positive memories. Letting the mind wander and wonder is essential for anything new to come to life - new plans, ideas, projects, steps. Sometimes relaxing and simply accepting life as it is, finding the beauty in the everyday, are the best breeding grounds for the new seeds. Cats nap most of their day, preserving energy and enjoying the warmth of the sun or home hearth. Why not follow these masters' suit?

Enjoy the successes you've already experienced and about to experience; allow yourself to be happy and proud when acknowledged by others for your hard work or skills. Recognition should never be the ultimate goal as anything external is fleeting, but it can help build confidence and determination to achieve what you want to achieve.

What are the most likely obstacles for my healing? 10 SWORDS - TOWER RX

Wow, dramatic! Seems like the biggest obstacles are the possibility of taking things too seriously, being overtly dramatic about things not going my way, and feeling like everything's failing or collapsing when in reality, nothing of that magnitude is going on. Again, the message of patience, calming down and taking it easy repeats but in a different iteration.

Even if I feel stuck, directionless or aimless, I shouldn't give in to the feelings of desperation. There's absolutely no need to feel that strongly about inevitable setbacks and delays. Just breathe, stay focused, stay on track. If things start going drastically wrong in any area of life, step back and regroup instead of throwing yourself into an emergency mode.

How will my life be different after I heal? PAGE OF CUPS RX - 2 PENTACLES RX - STRENGTH

I will no longer feel emotionally immature or like I'm a juggler failing at my performance. Healing this aspect of myself will improve my inner and outer strength, perseverance, the ability to stay focused and keep any instinctive knee-jerk reactions at check. My life will be less hectic, less reactionary, and more serene. Not a bad result to work towards to!

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If you would like to receive this reading for yourself to guide and signpost your year 2019, click here to buy - delivered in 24 hours to your inbox.

Follow your Star to a happier life. Star, Shadowscapes Tarot

The risks of being a pro tarot reader

This post may help, if you are considering setting up your own business semi- or fully professionally (meaning more or less full time and with intentions of making it a career). Instead of discussing potential pitfalls about running a small business in general - as those considerations are needed also -, I'll talk about what I've experienced about reading for money for strangers.

Firstly, I've personally never found that people are difficult about payments. I display my prices on my website and people who feel it's a fair price will contact me, whereas those who don't, won't. I offer the first reading free, which gives everybody the chance to check whether my reading style is for them and whether paying for another reading feels like a good idea.

At the moment, reading cards is nowhere near a proper source of income for me, it's more of a hobby and I work full-time elsewhere. So, someone could ask why I just don't do free readings. Because I'd be flooded with them. It's also a matter of fairness and principle. I'm happy to donate some of my offerings (the first free reading), but I also feel that everybody who knows their craft should be compensated for it.

For a couple of years now, I've only done readings to other people via email. When I first started in 2013/14, I also offered readings at home, face-to-face, but I in the long run, I didn't feel comfortable with that. I advertised locally and realised I have no control over who picks my ad and who wants/decides to become my client.

Most of my customers were completely normal people with normal problems relating to love, housing situation or work and money, but I got a few 'oddballs' with whom I did not feel comfortable. I wasn't 100% sure whether it was just their persistent/insistent/borderline obsessive method of asking questions and wanting to book more and more readings (usually about the same topic), or did I perhaps pick some vibes about not-completely-honest intentions.

For example, one client came to my home for his reading and even as I pointed to the guest room / tarot room, he marched through my apartment and opened doors to check every room, explaining he was looking for a toilet. My husband was at home at the time and said afterwards he didn't like how strangers snoop our place, and I didn't feel particularly happy about that either. Furthermore, I started getting plenty of scammer calls from 'the tax office', as my phone number had now gone viral from the local classifieds site. It seemed like dodgy people in my community and elsewhere deemed tarot readers as scammers and hence, as a 'worthy' target of their own scams. Not nice.

So, I stopped doing in-person readings to strangers and advertising elsewhere but on my own website.

However, doing readings online and in person are two quite different skill sets. Online readings you can deliver whenever you feel like (of course within the time frame agreed with the client). In-person readings must happen when it suits the customer (although there's some discretion in you allotting time slots).

Online you never need to engage in any social niceties and gauging the other person's mood, triggers etc to not accidentally offend; and you 'only' need to have a bit of story telling skills to create a meaningful story of the symbolism of the cards - I don't mean 'making up' stuff, but skills to coherently explain what separate cards mean in that particular situation. You have time to read your lines through, edit and tweak. Whereas in person, it's a lot about thinking on your feet and coming up with things to say pretty much instantly even when the cards look bad, don't promise at all what the client is seeking or are incomprehensible to you.

I got a reminder of how different skills we are talking about, when I did a face-to-face reading to three close friends at once this weekend. They asked their own questions and received their own readings, but all were watching as I interpreted the cards and occasionally, made their own comments, questions and remarks of each others' cards. I did not feel challenged or questioned in a negative sense, but it does take quick wits to keep everyone's questions and comments in mind, yet deliver what I see in the cards in a manner that's comprehensible and reasonably tangible. Doing a reading in person is also mentally and physically draining and afterwards, you may feel like disappearing to recharge.

I prefer to give concrete examples of the card meanings, because I find wishy-washy or overtly spiritual readings can cause confusion and anxiety.  In my view it's better to give an example that's not entirely accurate than give a reading that is so ambiguous that the client can't get a handle of it, or can interpret it in any way they like (usually wrong or wish-fulfilling).

This is not to try to discourage anyone, just to give food for thought for what's your own reading style, what preferences or aversions you'd have as a pro reader and whether you like social interaction or thinking through the cards in peace and quiet, then typing the meanings. Best of luck!

Also, it's my birthday soon so here's a simple birthday spread to try - six cards for two-month blocks.

Birthday spread

How is my next year looking like; what will be the overall major themes? Starts from your birth month. An example spread done for myself with the Fool's Dog tarot app.

April - May - 4 Pentacles Rx

In the card, a grumpy-looking old fairy fella is arguing over a nut with a squirrel. He wants to keep what's his and is very worried about losing his possession. The card came out reversed, in my view meaning he should let go of the nut. Releasing or giving away something seems to be the prevalent theme. Possibly I'll feel like others are trying to take away my resources, when in reality I can never run out - there's always more in the world to find, make, earn. This actually relates directly to my current job, where I constantly feel I'm asked for more than I can give.

June - July - 9 Swords Rx

Worrying seems to continue. I already know that in June-July, I'll receive work-related news as my current deployment will end in June and I'm supposed to be transferred to a new place from the beginning of July, but this is all quite hazy and undecided at the moment. I hope the reversed card means the end of worrying, finding clarity about my future or at least realise there's no point in being so concerned over matters I have limited power to affect. I should go with the flow, accept what comes and make the best of it, or find a way to change circumstances that cause me anxiety.

August - September - 7 Cups

It seems I'll be quite lost in the fantasy land in Aug-Sept. It could be a good sign, as I'm also an aspiring fiction writer and one of my genres is young adult historical fantasy. I hope this card means I'll feel imaginative, immersed in the land of fantasy, and deliver some awesome fiction! It could also mean I'll be lost in my daydreams. It's always good to have some wishes and dreams in your life, but it's not always helpful if real-life solutions for something are required.

October - November - Hierophant

This can be very literally about teaching, learning and teachers. I'm about to finish a degree at the end of the year and in Oct-Nov I'll probably sweat my a** off to finalise a thesis to satisfy my professors! I'm also hoping to start an academic career in 2019 so I could be scoping for universities.

December - January - High Priestess

Listen to your intuition, calm down, be still and quiet, find the answers from within. This is the classic message of the High Priestess and probably a good reminder for anytime. Maybe towards the end of the year I'll have a lot of questions about my new year and the future in general and the best direction comes from the subconscious.

February - March - Temperance Rx

Things seem to tip over in some way, approaching to my birthday in 2019. Temperance is a card of mix and balance, in particular of things that are inherently incompatible but need to come together for the greater good. It seems I'll have a challenge with balancing something, or pushing too hard with some matters instead of seeking a sustainable compromise. Will need to keep an eye on that!

The birthday spread

Compare options with tarot

A few years back, I worked on a global online tarot site for ~ six months and was reasonably popular - got a few questions every day - but I was eventually "kicked out" for not scoring enough customers, meaning earning enough for the site. The reason could have been I wasn't willing to work harder, advertise myself everywhere; or that I wasn't willing to dangle answers and request the customer to pay extra to get the whole story. Nevertheless, during that stint I got questions from all over the world and got a great glimpse on what kind of concerns people everywhere share.

The most common question I got and still get as a tarot reader is an iteration of: what should I do in situation x? Situation x can relate to work, love, relationships, finding one's passion/vocation... More than lazy solutions and windfall victories people seek direction. We all fear wrong decisions and crave for certainty on what we're about to decide, will deliver, be as promised, be The Right Choice.

Normally, in a decision situation, there are options, even if one option is "do nothing". Tarot is a great tool for comparing options and potential pathways. I've found that instead of asking yes/no questions about "is this a good decision?" it's far more informative to ask: "if I do x, how will I feel [in x amount of time]?" Short and sharp yes/no questions are notoriously difficult to answer with pictures that blabber more than 1000 words. But, exploring emotions, feelings, states of being... for that, cards work beautifully.

Completely regardless of whether you believe cards deliver divine guidance or simply unlock your own subconscious knowledge, this question and answer combo seem to work. Wherever the answer comes from, I've found it to be reasonably accurate. Here's a worked example of a dilemma I'm currently facing: whether to apply for a job that I in some ways feel could be a great match, but also think might make me overworked and overstressed. 

Compare options with tarot

1. If I decide to apply for job 1, what will follow? EIGHT OF CUPS

This card is about leaving behind an unsatisfactory situation; something you invested a lot of emotions in, but didn't deliver. This shows the ambiguity of tarot: does it mean I won't get the job (leading to a disappointment) or I'll move on in life, from an old job that clearly is not the best fit, otherwise I wouldn't be looking for anything new?

Ambiguity can be a blessing in disguise. If I knew for a fact I won't get this job, I wouldn't even bother applying and perhaps wouldn't dare to try anything similar either, making me feel more stuck. When I don't know for sure, it allows a chance, hope, attempt, that in turn can help me become better at job search in general.

2. If I get job 1, how will I feel in it initially? QUEEN OF SWORDS

I'd feel like on top of my game, using my wits to understand and crack problems, answer questions, find information, slice through any confusion with my razor-sharp sword of a mind. That doesn't sound in any way bad. Except... I might not be emotionally invested or committed, given that this card talks purely about logic, rationality, matters of the mind.

3. If I get job 1, how will I feel in it in a year's time? EMPRESS

Personally, I think the Empress is the best card in the deck because it's about creation, expansion, Mother Nature, feeling blessed and happy. Job 1 is about real estate, including tackling homelessness, so I might even feel motherly, helping people find their own nest, stand on their own feet.

4. If I stay in job 2, how will I feel in it initially? 7 OF SWORDS

This card has a bad rap as it's seen as the "thief" card: someone's taking what is not theirs. To me personally this card has often meant "research": gathering others' swords (thoughts and words) for my own purposes. This particular card shows a ferret arming its nest with swords - does it mean it's preparing for a fight, or just gathering resources for tough times? Either way, this card doesn't feel negative but not quite positive either. There's something underhanded in it. I'd probably be spending time looking for other opportunities: if I stay, I would still try to find something else/better.

5. If I stay in job 2, how will I feel in it in a year's time? 10 CUPS

This is the family and community card. It's about belonging, feeling loved and loving, happy, living the perfect life. On the outset it looks like this is the best answer I could get: "stay, of course, you'll find happiness!" I can see this happening, as I currently have a great team, even if the job content itself is a bit draining. Feeling like an integral part of a community is very much a possibility. Comparing the Empress and 10 Cups is not easy, because they are both great. That in my view means: "either way it goes, you'll be happy". Well, isn't that just what we all want to hear about decisions!

6. What is job 1 really about? EMPEROR

I added this question because I wanted to understand what would be the most essential element or most prominent emotion attached to job 1. The job description and advert can say one thing, but what's really going on might be something totally different.

The card shows a silverback gorilla ruling over his kingdom, very emperor-like. That actually is my understanding of the job: it involves negotiating with contractors, "ruling over a kingdom", and that's the reason I'm hesitating whether to apply. I've been in a workplace that was saturated with "emperor-energy", stereotypical male traits of dominance, competition, rationality over emotional connections, and drive to win financially and materially. I'm not 100% sure I want to return to a similar environment as I found it energy-draining, meaningless.

On the other hand, an emperor can also be a good ruler, just and fair leader who champions for the benefit of all his/her subjects. An interesting card - and reading - overall!

Animal Totem tarot

Happy, fearless New Year!

It sounds to me quite a few people had a hectic, hard or draining year 2017, same applies to me. I drifted out of tarot, somehow just did not feel interested. Funnily enough, at the same time a weird, round dry patch the size of a coin appeared in my forehead at the spot of the third eye. As if my body was saying "you're drying up your ability to see deeper". I don't know if that was the real message - or if there was a message, not just a coincidence - but it did get me thinking.

As the longer-term readers of this blog know, I hover at the border of science and spirituality and sometimes feel more inclined to rely on science 100%, sometimes feel like there's deeper layers behind what we currently know. For example, I just read a hugely captivating book by Harvard University astrophysicist Lisa Randall, who specialises in dark matter and dark energy. The current calculations show that of our universe, only 5% is visible matter. The rest is dark matter or rather, undetectable matter (not the same as black holes, which are incredibly-tightly condensed ordinary matter) and dark energy, or undetectable energy potential.

Dr Randall talks about "matter-racism", meaning that it's quite condescending from us humans to assume we even should be able to detect and measure everything. Why should us, a random species on a random planet, have developed such incredibly apt or multidimensional senses and intelligence that we could have access to every possible particle type and interaction that takes place in the virtually boundless universe?

Anyhow, got carried away, that's not my topic! Given it's the New Year's eve, many of us are probably thinking about New Year resolutions. Resolution implies change, something that we wish to do differently, leave behind or start doing. And what is normally on the way of change? Fear. If change was easy, we probably wouldn't even call it change, it would just be a normal course of the everyday.

Fear is something I've been thinking a lot lately. Not on a personal level as much, but at the society's level. Politicians in particular in the US seem to be exploiting and cultivating fear for political gain and that, in my opinion, is the low blow for the human intelligence (not to mention ethics). Eliciting fear is easy, because we naturally want to avoid danger. And, unfortunately, many leaders exploit this natural response.

The unknown, uncertain, new or different can easily elicit a fearful response. What I think is a true measure of maturity is our ability to recognise and handle fear. Any three-year-old can be scared; it's instinctive. But it takes a mature, level-headed person to be able to say "calm down, let's take a proper look at this. Things are not that bad. Maybe we just misunderstood, or can change things so they are less scary?"

When is fear needed and when it's not? In some situations, fear is handy. It's better to be cautious when attempting something risky, such as crossing a dodgy bridge somewhere high up in the mountains. But, even then, is fear really keeping us safe? A spoonful or sprinkle of fear can be a good thing, but fear can also paralyse. In particular when it comes to a life change. Better the devil you know, they say, but are wrong.

Why would it be better to stick with something undesirable, unsatisfactory or even downright unhealthy just because the unknown devil can also be bad? If it turns out to be, then, a new change is required, until things are better. Life by definition is a series of events where an organism attempts to adapt to and thrive in its circumstances. If that does not happen, there's no life. We only have inorganic matter: dead weight.

Here's a New Year's spread to study fear, what to let go and how to let go. 

As a "worked example" with my own responses.

1. What unfounded fear do I have? KNIGHT OF DISKS (PENTACLES)

I fear being stuck in a rut, having to repeat the same things every day. Slow and steady in my mind often means slow and tedious. That is very true and that is perhaps my worst fear. Even this blog is themed Tarot for Change, because I often value change higher than routine, newness over continuity.

2. How can I best let go of that fear? SEVEN OF SWORDS

This is an unexpected answer. Many people interpret 7 Swords as a card of underhanded moves and manipulation, as it depicts a person stealing swords from others. However, I've learned that for me this card often means "research", finding and taking others' ideas (swords) for my own purposes. To overcome the fear of the rut I should exercise my mind, learn more about techniques to tolerate routine and perhaps spice up the everyday with unexpected moves.

3. What will change in  my life if I overcome the fear? THREE OF CUPS

I'll find new or old friends to connect with. 3 Cups is a card of get-togethers, friendship, celebration and connection with like-minded people. Well, that's an absolutely positive outcome!

4. How can I live more fearlessly overall? ACE OF STONES (PENTACLES)

This card shows a boulder and the card's traditional meaning is tangible, physical opportunities and gifts. I think it reminds me to be grounded. There's no need to let fears run havoc. Just stay down-to-earth, take each day as it comes, enjoy the physicality. Fear is, after all, preservation instinct running overdrive: we are only frightened when we fear - consciously or subconsciously - pain or death. But, being a physical creature also has benefits and joys, not only fears about potential harms and risks.

5. How can I help others overcome their fears? THREE OF WANDS

This card traditionally shows a person gazing at the sea, to the approaching ships. It means planning, looking towards the future, having taken the first steps towards something bigger and better. I can help others by reminding them about the potential for expansion: when life is not bound and constricted by fears, it can be larger, bolder, louder, fresher; what we choose to make of it.

Have a fun and fearless New Year and a fortunate year 2018!

How to read suits in tarot: wands

Long time no see! I've been bogged down by other things in life, but now at the verge of a holiday, I found new inspiration to delve in to tarot again. I figured something the other day about how to understand and interpret suits, and I thought I could share it with others. This way of thinking made it easier for me, I hope it helps others. It's based on referring back to the earlier card and seeing what was built from that. It's by no means my own and original idea, but it somehow clicked just recently.

Suits in tarot deck

As mentioned before, a standard tarot deck of 78 cards is divided into suits, similarly to a standard playing card deck. The suits are called wands, swords, cups and pentacles/coins and they all symbolise a different element: fire, air, water and earth, respectively; or passion/willpower, intelligence/logic, emotions, and material matters.

Suit of wands

Let's start with wands, the suit of willpower, volition (free will, the ability to use one's will), passion and drive. Wands are the suit of fire, normally depicted with wooden clubs, branches or similar, to show material that is burnt, consumed, needed to keep the fire (passion) alive. Everything in tarot is about symbols and often in decks, the wands/branches sprout shoots or buds to symbolise life force, energy and viability.

Ace of Wands - this is the first spark of will, the initial flash of wanting something. It's like a matchstick burning: quick to flare, quick to fade. The want can relate to ambition, pursuit or passion like sex; or it can be the first flame of crush or the feeling that you want to achieve something in life.

Ace of Wands, The Wild Unknown Tarot. The first spark that initiates what's to come.

2 of Wands - this card usually shows two wands, symbolising two choices or pathways. A common interpretation is choice. However, because all 2's in tarot symbolise choice, it can be tricky to try and tell the difference between this and that kind of choice. Why this 2 and not some other 2? 2 Wands adds to the initial spark of the Ace: you cultivate your original idea, need or want; carry it further, and that is the choice - whether to try to pursue this path and goal, or initiate another spark; scratch a new matchstick instead of passing on the fire from the first one? Sometimes, 2 Wands can also mean two wills - two people coming together in passion, or wanting different things.

3 of Wands - many people have hard time telling the difference between 2 Wands and 3 Wands, because in the standard imagery they are quite similar. In 2 Wands, a person stands looking towards the ocean with two wands, and in 3 Wands, a person stands looking towards the ocean with three wands, waiting for three ships to arrive. The difference is that in 3 Wands, the person has started to carry out the plan, has made the choice of 2 Wands; has cultivated the fire/will/passion, kept it alive for long enough to see whether it can bear fruit. The ships in the horizon symbolise this wish to reach a goal. 3 Wands often means "waiting for the future results" or "future results are almost here" in readings.

4 of Wands - what happens after the results come in? It's time to enjoy life! 4 Wands is often interpreted as the marriage card, or engagement, graduation or housewarming card, but celebration is just one aspect of it. All those signposts and celebrations are a culmination of a person/people making a decision in the past, sticking to it, working for it, wanting to achieve something, and finally making it. It's about having carried the fire for long enough to be able to establish a steady home hearth, so to speak. Four is a steady number, four corner stones, but it doesn't mean life will be a breeze after. It just means one stage is now complete.

5 of Wands - introduces the free will, wants and needs of other people. Not everyone wants the same things; in fact, very often in life, people's needs, wants and plans clash and collide either in minor or major scale. That's what 5 Wands means. It's often interpreted as a card of competition, and competition is a conflict of competing wills. I want something, somebody else wants something, and instead of cooperation, there's competition. 5 Wands can also mean an internal struggle: my own needs, wants and plans are not aligning, but frustratingly clashing. Depending on a situation, the competition can be fun and invigorating (such as games or flirting), or annoying.

5 Wands, Shadowscapes Tarot. When outside forces make you fight for what you want - or your own conflicting wants, needs and efforts frustrate you.

6 of Wands - what's the best case scenario following a competition? Victory! That's the message of 6 Wands. It usually shows a person riding a horse, higher above than the rest, being celebrated, acknowledged and acclaimed. Winning AND receiving public recognition are the best outcome of a competitive situation. However, sometimes it can mean egoistic tendencies, for example someone doing something just to be admired (e.g. winning hearts, being a player).

7 of Wands - things are usually never steady for long and not everybody loves the winner. There will be more competition, this time even tougher. 7 Wands shows one person standing up alone against a group. It's about taking a stand for what you believe in, care about, are passionate about. It's about trying to progress in a situation where everyone is trying to put you down. That's why the themes of 7 Wands are bravery, resilience and self-control. However, sometimes 7 Wands can mean that you're fighting a desperate battle and it's time for a break, not keep banging your head on the wall of others' resistance. There might be another, better way than open conflict or headlong push.

8 of Wands - again, what's the best case scenario after a battle? Things working out swiftly, effortlessly, with the least resistance. That's the theme of 8 Wands. It's a card about successful or rapid communication, the moment when wills, needs and wants align: it's easy to communicate when both parties want to understand and accommodate each other instead of fighting. 8 Wands can also mean news, swift change or forward momentum. It's when things flow and fly.

9 of Wands - if only everything flowed smoothly forever. 9 Wands symbolises a situation where almost all your energy is spent on working on whatever cause was triggered in the Ace, and you can't, won't, should't give up. The card often shows a wounded soldier guarding a wall of wands, 'you shall not pass': blocking enemies or naysayers or exhaustion. 9 Wands is about hidden reserves, low-burning fire that is still alive, quietly, subtly. However, it can also be about resistance, being guarded and blocked. If this card comes up, ask yourself: do I need to be resilient, or do I need to let others in, allow them to influence me, advise me, help me?

10 of Wands - all 10's in tarot are end points or culmination, things can't go further than that. It can be a happy situation: reaching the ultimate goal and happiness; or it can be a low point; there's nowhere further to go before things fall apart with serious consequences to mental and physical health. 10 Wands is the point of exhaustion. Too many wants, needs and musts have accumulated. Either you're trying to do too much at once, or other people have managed to pile up their competing needs and wants in the 5 Wands and 7 Wands situations on your load. Why are you carrying all that burden? Shed some of it asap for your own well-being.

10 Wands, Dream Logic Tarot. The load of wants, needs and tasks has become so heavy all joy has drained out of what once was a source of enjoyment, inspiration and fun.

Court cards

I think that pip cards (number cards) usually depict an action or phase in life, whereas court cards often depict a personality trait, behaviour or attitude of a person. This is not a hard and fast rule but seems to give indication. Also, court cards mean "matured energies" of the pip cards, i.e. all court cards can use, manage and survive the actions and phases depicted in cards numbered 1-10, but the level of skill depends on the "maturity" or ranking of the court card.

Cards usually picture genders but the Princess and Queen can mean a man and the Knight and King a woman - it's about the behaviour and the mindset, not about the "outward" markers of gender.

Page (or Princess) of Wands - The Page is the messenger in the court, someone who travels to bear news. The Page is also somebody in training, to become a ruler of the suit one day. Page of Wands symbolises a person (or mindset/behaviour) who's curious, passionate, powered up by the need to do, act, learn, expand; someone who likes to go beyond one's earlier boundaries and perhaps play with fire a bit. It can also mean literal or mental/emotional travel or adventure.

Knight (or Prince) of Wands - The Knight is the soldier, someone's who's brave, speedy and ready for action. Given that the suit of Wands is the suit of fire, this card is the fieriest in the deck: it's someone who doesn't think and consider, or doesn't plan his/her actions, but just jumps. It can be a good thing: jump to save the day, take the leap of faith - or it can be a bad thing: jump to conclusions, jump the gun, flee and disappear when going gets tough. To me personally this card most often means "don't be so hasty, stop and think," or "things are not as you think, you're jumping into conclusions."

Queen of Wands  - The Queens in tarot symbolise people who fully own their actions and emotions. They are poised, skilled, elegant and looked up to. The Queen of Wands is the queen of fire: passionate, fun-loving, confident, doesn't take anyone's cr@p, knows her worth, goes after what s/he believes in and wants to do. She is fully in charge of her own life and doesn't need anybody's permission. Interestingly, this card often pops up to women who are recovering from a divorce/separation: "you are your own person, fully, authentically and enjoyably - reclaim it."

Queen of Wands, Robin Wood Tarot. My favourite queen of all four suits. Someone who knows what s/he wants and how to get it. No excuses made, no permissions asked.

King of Wands - The King is the ruler of the suit, the master of every element of it and able to use his/her skills to one's own and others' advantage. The King knows his/her own worth and is able to inject confidence, courage and energy in others. A true king doesn't seek to elevate himself, but he seeks to equip his court (everybody around) with his power. This applies in particular to the King of Wands in my opinion. A true King of Wands is so comfortable in his own skin and vision that he almost by accident inspires, influences and informs others around to be more, do more, achieve more - use the tools of the suite of willpower for everyone's benefit.

How to deal with other people's difficult issues?

As this blog suggests, I spend a lot of time thinking about happiness. It's my research topic from the angle: how does the environment affect people's happiness (or well-being, quality of life), positively and negatively? Even though I study the built and natural environment, I also think about the social environment, meaning other people.

I believe one of the major life lessons for everyone is to find the right balance between independence and interdependence. How to be our own persons, standing on our own feet, but not push others away in the process? How to ask, receive and give help without becoming clingy, interfering or irritating? How to build our own life, yet be inclusive to others? How to know where the boundaries lie?

Why is this important - or, as I think, one of the most important lessons in life? Because whether we find that balance or not, has a direct and immediate impact on happiness: our own and others.

I used to stress a lot about other people's problems. If a family member was struggling with something (a health problem, an unrewarding job, relationship issues), I'd spend days and nights trying to come up with a solution to help them become happier - or, at least, less unhappy.

Often, that was a source of mutual, accumulating frustration. I would get upset that my family member wouldn't take my advice, and I saw that as obstinate, pessimistic or lackadaisical. Whereas the person I tried to help probably saw me as interfering, overbearing or bossy. I only realised a few years ago that I can't possibly solve everyone's issues and people are, at times, unhappy. The only one who can resolve the unhappiness is the unhappy person themselves.

Not everyone is ready to do it, for myriads of reasons: not everyone sees what's the real source of their unhappiness; they don't want to face the truth; they assume/hope things will improve due to the hoped actions of other people/fortune; they don't believe (yet) that things even could change; or they're worn out by their problems and can't solve it just now.

What helped me realise I can't carry the burden of others' issues was twofold:

• I believe everyone has their own life lessons to learn and if somebody else's lessons relate to overcoming obstacles or experiencing unhappiness, stuckness, apathy, etc. so be it; and
• other people are not my extension and vice versa. 

What decisions my loved ones make, is not actually up to me to change. Of course, self-destructive behaviour and unhealthy decisions need to be raised and if possible, stopped. But, at the end, there's only so much outsiders can do to stop an adult from making (good or bad) decisions and living an unhappy life - other than politely offer support and conversation company.

An example. I feel that some family members are overeating, overdrinking, taking unnecessary risks or overly engaged in a conservative religious mindset (the former and the latter relatives are not the same, btw ;) ). I used to stress about those to no end. What could I do to change things? How could I help/force them to see that they are harming themselves by either creating health issues, or by creating social division and discord with their loud views?

The answer: I can't do much. I can only point it out politely and diplomatically, but I can't make anyone change. Change must come from each of us within. If these people don't see a problem in their lifestyle even after repeated discussions, then the only thing I can do is to learn live with it. Change myself, if possible, or disengage, if needed.

However, herein lies the problem: we can't force anyone to change, but I think it's our responsibility to offer a sounding board or a mirror to other people - and expect / allow others offer that to us. How could the people around us ever know we disapprove, if we don't tell it (politely and with a reasoned justification)?

I've also been guilty - and still am - for not raising issues, because I don't want to offend or cause a conflict. But withdrawal actually steals a chance from both parties to learn, grow, change for better.

Here's a spread to examine,

how to more fruitfully deal with someone else's issue?

1. What's the best way to raise the matter with the other?
2. What response can I expect, if I raise it?
3. How to best deal with the response?
4. What sort of a plan I could propose to move forward?
5. What will happen, if I don't raise it?
6. How can I offer better support?
7. How does the other person feel about his/her issue?

We are all different, yet we should be able to live peacefully side by side. Not an easy task!

How to be happier in the everyday?

Apologies for being MIA since October! I've been catching up with studies, work, hobbies and social life and also experiencing a bit of a writer's block with this blog. What to write about? The internet is full of clever, informative and inspirational blogs, including tarot themed, and I've felt there's not much I can add to the discussion. But then, I remembered the words of a song that translate like this:

"everything that can be done has been done, everything that can be seen has been seen,

everything that can be touched has been touched by many hands,

but not with your hands, not with your eyes,

not with your soul before you've tried it all yourself."

CMX

I like the message about: nothing's completely original, but every one of us has something new to offer, because we are all unique with our unique histories and experiences.

What is happiness?

I spend a lot of time thinking about happiness. Not just my own personal happiness, and how to stay happy, but other people's happiness and the concept of happiness in general. My PhD studies focus on the quality of life, everyday happiness and mindfulness. In particular, I'm interested in the connection of beauty and happiness: can beautiful things, surroundings and experiences make people happier? Or can the lack of beauty make people unhappy?

I'm not talking about make-up, clothes etc. (even thought they are one part of the idea, depending on what's everyone's personal preference in beauty), but noticing beauty around in the world, in the everyday.

This is a branch of philosophy called everyday aesthetics. Mindfulness, a trendy concept, draws from everyday aesthetics in my opinion. Mindfulness simply means: be aware of every moment, stay focused on the now instead of drifting to the future or past, worries, regrets or anticipations.

Being mindful can mean enjoying your cup of coffee in peace, tasting every sip. The key concept in everyday aesthetics is similar: pause, enjoy and appreciate what you have around, what your senses capture. The sun dancing on the pot plant's leaves. The aroma and scent of morning coffee. The calming, rhythmic beat of the dishwasher. The vibrant colours of the fruit in a bowl. The shine and softness of your pet's fur.

I started practising tarot and "fortunetelling", because it was an intriguing concept and I wanted to know if it even can work.

I've come to a conclusion after five years of card-reading that yes it does seem to work, and even better it works for self-development and self-reflection. Tarot is an excellent tool to examine your own deep thoughts, emotions, motives, dreams, fears... every aspect of one's personality. I've grown much calmer, mature and dare I say wiser by using tarot regularly. And funnily enough, also more mindful, to stay in the present, noticing the beauty of the everyday.

Here's my spread to realise one's blessings:

1. What is the best thing I have in my life right now?
2. What do I have I take for granted?
3. What should I discard from my life?
4. What in life inspires me?
5. Where or how to find that inspiration?

Below: some things that make me happy - beautiful places and sights from my hoods, equally nice to enjoy with loved ones or alone. 

How to treat the risk of failure

One of my almost-daily routines is hanging out at Aeclectic Tarot Forum, which is an online discussion board for anyone interested in tarot and wanting to practice their reading skills and intuition in general.

I have shifted from other social media to AT, because in the tarot community, the focus is on self-improvement and helping others, whereas Facebook and other platforms are nowadays flooded with bad news, disrespectful language, trolling and other negative traits this species of ours can exhibit.
The more time I spend on Facebook, the more agitated and annoyed I get, whereas with AT, the more benevolent and refreshed I feel - it's funny what a big difference the language, attitude and ambience of a forum can make.

Because AT is anonymous, people discuss their issues openly. One of the common underlying currents of discussions is "I want to do thing X, but my family/friends/social circles oppose/ridicule/don't approve it". No person is an island and whatever people around us say and think, affects us. positively or negatively. But. How can we ever achieve anything in life, if we put too much emphasis on other people's opinions?

For instance, I want to be a novelist one day. I have supportive and encouraging people around, but also those who don't think I can make it. It is possible I can't. But it's also possible I can. And the only way to find out is to give it a proper try - do my best to become what I want to be, even when it comes with the risk of failure.

People around us often think they know better, see the risks better, are more realistic than us or otherwise just have more authority to tell how to live our lives. But is that really true?

It's actually just a perception. The louder or more convincing these critics are, the more credible they sound. However, being loud or sounding confident don't make anyone right. And nobody else but you can know, whether something is good or right or doable for you.

But here's the trick. You need to believe in yourself to make it work - whether this is a new job, relationship, studies or business. Critics around can take that self-confidence away, thus spiralling you to a failure and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. I told you so! When in fact, if they had not told you so, you wouldn't have failed. Tricky, isn't it?

My motto in life is:

nothing ventured, nothing gained. 

This (perhaps foolishly?) bold and straightforward attitude could be best described by wands tarot cards, i.e. those that depict willpower, inner fire, drive, motivation and wants. However, I think it's best captured by the slow and even dull-looking
7 Pentacles.

The traditional 7 Pentacles of Rider Waite Smith deck shows a farmer assessing his crop. Only one ripe pentacle has dropped, the rest might still fail or succeed. The only thing to do is to keep trying and hope for the best.

Tarot of the Pagan Cats shows a different side of 7 Pentacles - curiosity and play. Any dream, project or plan in life starts with curiosity (could it work? what if it worked?)  and at best, is fuelled by play: fun, exploration, creativity, excitement. Even if the dream fails after all, experiencing those elements on the way make it worth trying.

Every farmer knows that the crop might wither and die. No matter how much you've watered, tended and cared for it, it could still fail. But then again, there could be a huge reward, a bounty, a successful harvest. The only way to know is to try - not just half-heartedly, but giving it the best you've got.

I value tarot as a tool because looking at the cards and pondering them peels off layers in our thinking that are plastered in there by other people.

Looking at the pictures analytically or semi-meditatively should reveal what your real thoughts and feelings about any given matter are, free and pure from others' influence. How could I best make this project work? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What could I do to strengthen the strengths and weed off the weaknesses? How to best go about with this dream of mine?

These are all empowering questions that help you forward, instead of dwelling on "I really want to do it and I think I could, but everyone says it's not wise/easy/possible/for me." Well, everyone can say that the sun will be blue tomorrow, but it doesn't make it true, does it?

Here's a spread to explore a plan or dream you're unsure about. Pull 1-3 cards for each question, depending on your preferences and reading skills.

New plan or dream - analysis spread

1. What do I believe this plan/dream will give me if it works?
2. What is the real reason I hesitate achieving it?
3. How can I overcome my hesitation?
4. What skills I have that will most help me with achieving this?
5. What in my life or thinking is hindering me from achieving this?
6. What will my life be like when I have achieved this?
7. How to best start moving towards this goal?
8. How to encourage myself to keep going until I reach my goal?

When to change plans? Ask tarot

One of the most common questions tarot readers get is along the lines: should I keep doing what I'm doing, or change the plan and do something else?

This question repeats in every area of life: studies, work, love and relationships with loved ones in general. It is, indeed, tricky to know when to continue and when to change course. The main problem, however, is not necessarily lack of knowledge, new ideas or plans, it's this:

8 Swords.

8 Swords, Rider Waite Smith tarot.

Often in life, when we've been putting in a lot of effort on something, it feels unbearable to think that no fruit came of it. Changing a plan feels like a failure. We often don't feel at ease to quit studies, change careers, change partners or cut out friends, even when it feels there's nothing but roadblocks. The feeling of a roadblock is real, but here's the catch: the roadblock itself is not.

Tarot card 8 Swords symbolises a situation where we can't see a way forward. We're so set on one course or one thinking pattern, that we don't realise nothing else but our own worries, assumptions, expectations and beliefs are stopping us. There's always a choice - a different choice.

8 Swords of Anna K tarot shows, how the feeling of being trapped is just a projection or illusion. The person is free, holding a sword - symbolising power, knowledge and clarity of thought - but she believes she's trapped. In reality, nothing but her own thoughts are keeping her captive.

I once read that an average person makes thousands of choices every day without counting them.

We decide whether to get up or not. Whether to have breakfast or not. What to have for breakfast? What to wear for work? To go to work at all or not? Do some pilates before work or not? Catch a bus or drive? Start with task A or task B? Have a chat with Bernie or Bonnie? Leave early or stay late? Shop at Fresh Groceries or Fresh Produce? Send a few job applications at night? Sign up for couples' counselling or not?

Now, usually it feels that these are not actual choices. Many are self-evident, automated motions we have to carry out to simply live life. But, from a philosophical point of view, they are all choices. And if we chose differently, our day and life would be different.

8 Swords is the mindset where things happen and thoughts are thought, because that's how it's always done. But technically, we could NOT go to work. NOT talk to Bonnie the Boss, but Bernie the Jovial Friend. NOT go shopping at all but drive to Vegas to spend all our money, never come back and forget our job and marriage troubles forever.

Maybe not the best decisions, but decisions and choices nevertheless. And if any of the daily choices are different than usually, the day is different and can gradually produce a different life, when changes and different choices accumulate.

To wind back to bigger life choices. How to know when a change of plans is in order, and how to encourage oneself to take that step?

It can feel daunting to admit that nothing came of this field of studies, career, or relationship. What will everyone else say? How will I be viewed? How can I justify to myself or others I've spent so much time on this, and now I've got no results to show?

This, again is the 8 Swords: feeling trapped due to thoughts. Thoughts are only mental constructions and ways to see the situation, and they can be changed: negative, limiting thoughts produce trapped behaviour; whereas positive, expansive, curious thoughts produce new choices, new plans, new vistas.

I used to do a lot of knitting and that was a hobby that thought me the necessity of sometimes going back and fixing things from the root. If I made a mistake with the pattern, it could not be patched up later on. My creation would very visibly show, almost radiate the fact there was an error. I often had to undo what I had knit, unravel perhaps an hour's work. What a pain. And yet, it simply had to be done to get the best result. If I'm putting a lot of effort into something, why accept grade C quality?

Life is a lot like knitting. We try to create something the best we can, sometimes we follow a pattern, sometimes we wing it, but in every case, if there is a mistake made or wrong turn taken, we might need to humbly go back and do it again - change course, no matter how late it feels.

Nobody excels at living and nobody's life is error free. So let yourself out of the mental jail and stop judging your earlier choices; more importantly, stop listening to anybody who judges your choices.

If something needs to be changed or fixed, don't be afraid of unravelling. What you build next can be much better. At least it's different, and a source for different lessons.

Here's a spread that can help (pull 1-3 cards for each question depending on your preferences and skills).

When and how to change plans?

What in my life needs to change?

To what direction should the change be?

What action to take to change it?

What have I learned from going through this path until the change?

What in my life needs to stop altogether?

How to stop it?

What in my life needs to start?

How to start it?

Tarot cards 8 Wands and 8 Cups symbolise taking action (or communication); and realising that something does not bring joy any more or won't become fulfilling, no matter how much we try. So, it's better to move on and take action to change plans.

Tarot as a moral compass

Studying tarot has been a major eye-opener or rather, a mind-expander, for myself in the areas of a world view, values and thinking patterns. Since I started reading tarot, I've become more mature, calm and zen in life in general. How and why did that happen?

When I first stumbled on tarot some five years ago, I was mostly curious about its symbolism - I have a degree in art history and I've been drawn to understanding and deciphering symbols and codes since the start of my studies, in the best Dan Brown / Da Vinci Code manner.

Quite soon, I became enticed by tarot's divination skills: how could such a thing possibly exist and were the divinatory "powers" tarot clearly seemed to have (based on my Excel spreadsheets I kept to track my predictions) merely an illusion or a real thing? And if they were a real thing, how could that possibly be true from any scientific point of view I knew?

After encountering tarot, I became less enthusiastic about the reductionist, scientific and rather simplistic world view (matter is all there is) and other, more layered, metaphysical explanations started to make more sense.

I became more and more interested in the Eastern spiritualism (inc. Buddhism, Taoism etc.) and later on, on the traditions of Western Mysticims, including New Age but also other streams such as the Golden Dawn (one of the occult societies that created their own version of tarot cards in the turn of the 19th and 20th centuries), Theosophy, Druidism, Wiccan etc.

I don't subscribe to any religion or specific spirituality, but perhaps Theosophy hits closest to home with the idea that everyone should study and learn from every possible philosophy, religion and spiritual tradition, to form their own views and be as informed as possible = to be the lovers of wisdom, theo sophists.

I have not concluded how it could be possible that tarot can have any divinatory powers. The cards definitely seem to have them, for sure. I have predicted, for instance, meeting my husband, certain events happening at work, a couple of major arguments coming up with close relatives, and so on. I'll discuss my theory later on. Today, I'm more interested in discussing the "we see what we focus on"-theory.

I think that at its most rudimentary level, tarot is just a trigger for intuition in the same way than clouds, flames, foliage, or even wallpaper patterns can be. The human mind is incredibly apt in finding patters, forms and images - making meaning - where there is none. I believe we see patterns and images in the clouds, tree canopies, in the fur of our pets and practically, wherever, because we project what's in our mind anyway.

Tarot is all about looking at pictures and understanding their symbolic meanings. Normally, cards are rich in imagery and there is always something different to focus on. For one person, a white lily in the picture jumps out, because s/he is contemplating a matter that relates to innocence, children, purity of thought etc. For another reader, a medieval sword in the picture draws attention because his/her mind is occupied with thoughts about arguments, need for clarity, painful/hurtful words = blades etc.

People in general see meaning where it is only hinted - to the point where it becomes a problem. Think of all the times you - or perhaps your significant other - read something between the lines and it was, in fact, completely off base, only brought into existence by your own fears or hopes?

With tarot, the trick is to see meaning, but not too much of it. Intuition can't be paranoia or wishful thinking. How to find the exact amount of gut feeling? With practice. We know much more about life, ourselves and other people than we realise, but that requires careful tuning into the quietest wave lengths of our mind: it's about hearing the whispers, the hunches, the tiniest signs we've captured earlier without realising it.

As mentioned at the beginning, tarot has had a very educational role in my own life. When I focus on the tarot cards, I see messages of wisdom, patience and good will. Cards that repeat in my readings, highlight issues and recommend ways to fix things. For example, I have made a deliberate effort to become less fiery/trigger happy and more understanding and emphatic in arguments, because of the repeating message I've picked from the cards. Of course, the repeating cards can be a mere coincidence. And still, after I've understood and incorporated the message, the repetition stops.

Seeing messages in tarot or in any other medium can be explained by the fact that the human mind is tuned to see  meaning everywhere. I've seen meaning in random cards and it is not necessarily anything mystical. On the other hand, if seeing meaning improves the quality of life, is that a bad thing or wrong? Of course not.

Why and how has tarot made me calmer and more mature? I think it's partly because of self-reflection the cards give prompts for; and partly because of the divinatory properties.

Whether or not I can prove that the predictions are true, I feel that I can know what's coming up and there is a reason why certain events happen. That makes me much calmer towards any upheaval or sudden change in the future.

With advance notice, there's less reason for stress. And with the world view that everything happens for a reason and contains a lesson to draw from, hardly anything is scary. It just is. We always have a chance to decide, how to feel about matters, how to react, what action to take, how to fix or change or adapt into the situation.

I think that tarot in itself can be a way of life. Reading cards is often accompanied by some spiritual world view, but not always. Perhaps the only thing that connects all the readers is the idea that random pictures can trigger the intuition to know more than it otherwise could. Tarot is, at its core, about expanded knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of oneself and others.

Tarot to me is an inherently empathetic messaging channel; to me the cards always show the high road, the better way, the more moral take on the issue. Perhaps it's nothing more than a reflection of my own subconscious, but luckily my subconscious seems very concerned about the well-being of others AND myself, and hence, has helped me to become a better person. Thanks tarot! :)

Can the cards really know what's going on or what should be done? Actually, it doesn't matter. It's the reader who makes sense of the pictures and finds meaning in patterns with his/her intuition. 

Are you a grounded person and why it matters?

The purpose of this blog is to discuss topics that people often ask from the cards/card readers, and offer insight on what I have learned about difficult matters such as reconciliation, getting along with someone who's challenging, or making decisions when things don't seem to move on.

I thought this time I could talk about something that I have been struggling with to learn.

Grounding oneself.

This is the topic every mindfulness teacher, meditation guru or yoga enthusiast seems to be preaching, but what does it actually mean?

Feeling grounded can mean feeling in balance, or feeling steady, or feeling in control of one's life. But does it mean you won't budge or be flexible? How to tell the difference between being grounded and balanced, and being fixated, stubborn or defensive? And furthermore: how to achieve this magical grounded state? What's the purpose of it or what are the benefits of it?

I am a curious and interested person in general and read a lot, about any topic under the sun: politics, news, environment, arts and culture, social issues, lifestyle, tarot, mindfulness, life change, and so on. Consequently, I have quite a big of a memory bank of assorted facts and bits of info. I also love interacting in the social media, but unfortunately I have had to admit to myself that I'm not very skilled at it. In terms of staying balanced, grounded and helpful.

I was not making a positive difference.

Probably we all know how chats or debates on Facebook and elsewhere online can turn sour or heated with a couple of insensitive comments and I have not done my bit to keep it civil. I'm not one to call names, because I believe when your resort to yelling at someone (either vocally or by texting) "you're an idiot", you've lost it: the other person won't listen nor respect you and that's the end of any fruitful interaction.

However, I used to pride myself for stingy little witty remarks that shut up the other person. I thought I won the argument. But did I?

Of course not.

What happens in situations like that is that the other leaves the conversation and continues to believe what they believe, perhaps even double convinced that it's their job to expose the big conspiracy about the world government faking the climate change - whereas I'm in the camp green and hoping to change our lifestyle to more sustainable before it's too late.

With a lot of contemplation, both on purpose and subconsciously, and also with a business mentor, I've finally reached a state when I understand where my need to win stemmed.

From fear.

Subconsciously, I've been thinking that if I give room to opinions that drastically differ from mine, I'm allowing my beliefs and convictions to be slowly nibbled away and they will disappear or be "overruled" by someone else.

And this is where groundedness or "being centred" comes at play. 

Being grounded simply means I understand what are my core values and where my emotional or intellectual roots are. A person who is grounded is able to be flexible and curious, like a resilient coastal tree in the wind, but it won't snap, nor it will be ripped away by the storm. After encountering a bit of a gush or a full-on storm, the tree simply wavers back to its spot and continues life.

A grounded person does not have a need to try to overrule others, or aggressively oppose their views. The person knows s/he is who s/he is, no matter what others think. And a grounded person is able to be open to others' views, curiously and maturely, to learn and evolve within and around one's core.

Of course, there are opinions in this world that are nothing but hurtful; racism, sexism, or any sort of discrimination or bullying. But a grounded person is able to stand up against those with calm wisdom and properly thought-through arguments; and also with understanding that these views usually rise from fear or misunderstandings. The calmer and more respectful the discussion, the better the outcome, usually.

Here's a little tarot spread to examine this topic - what  are your core values and how to be more grounded?

1. What is my core value?
2. Why does it matter so much to me?
3. What action can I take to feel more grounded?
4. What aspect in my thinking I should change to respect others' core values?
5. How to live a more balanced, satisfying life in general?

And a sample spread: 

1. THE EMPRESS. This is the card of the feminine principle/archetype: nurture and care, creation, nature, Gaia. For me personally it means appreciating nature and creativity in all its forms, because it is our divine purpose to live on this planet as its guardians and explore and express our creativity. This card absolutely nails my core value, well done tarot!

2. 7 PENTACLES. This card is about putting in effort to make something tangible happen: waiting for results. For me it says: my core value is important, because it's a way to make a difference, to make something new, to cultivate this living environment of ours towards better for all.

3. 10 CUPS. This is the card of happy community: a loving family, peaceful society, happiness and bliss shared with others. I should draw from my community and contribute to its harmony and joy with my own actions.

4. 2 PENTACLES. This card talks about balancing two equally important matters. Clearly I should remember that what is different, is not necessarily of lesser value. Other people's views can be equally important and there's no need for either party to give up on their beliefs - they can coexist.

5. THE CHARIOT. This card is about will-power, determination, driving towards a goal, wanting to achieve things. This is a bit tricky card for myself because it usually pops up to denote situations where someone is applying too much willpower; is steamrolling others. Maybe it's a reminder for me *not to do that*, but also remember to strive towards my goal to actively improve this world.

This world is full of different people with different "home beliefs"and the best course of action is simply to try to get along. Photo (c) Tarot for Change.

How to use tarot to reconcile with someone?

One of the most common questions tarot readers get is along these lines: "how do I reconnect with someone I've lost from my life (an ex, a friend, a relative)" or even more commonly: "when will we reconnect - when will the other person take action to mend it all?" This question is also often accompanied by "does x regret what they did to me / how they behaved / that they cut ties?"

This is, of course, very natural to ask. If a friendship or love has gone sour, usually one person was more keen to leave than the other and that always leaves a pining party. Even in situations where the break-up or fall-out was a mutual decision, people change their mind over time and start remembering all the good of that relationship. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and same applies with time passing. 

Also, people seem to be "wired" to be very aware and concerned about fairness. Studies on monkeys have shown that our furry cousins also understand the concept of fairness and get offended, if - for example - other monkeys get more or better treats for the same tasks in a test. Monkeys also know how to share and are happy to give some of their treats to others to be fair and loyal, i.e. worth friendship and alliances. 

Same goes with us humans. There is hardly anything as painful as the feeling of being wronged. We normally can't comprehend nor stand the feeling and knowledge that someone has done something unfair towards us - in particular if that was on purpose. People can spend days, weeks and even years trying to figure out what happened, why, and in the worst case scenario, holding a grudge and/or plotting revenge. 

We probably all know that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, so for the sake of a better life, it's always a good plan to either try to solve the problem or move on. Or both. 

I as a reader prefer action-oriented questions such as "what can I do to resolve this?" instead of asking "when will things turn better, or when will the other person take action?" That's because waiting for someone else to deliver is bound to cause more anxiety and helplessness than taking the risk of action.

I also find questions such as "is x regretting their actions" not-very-useful, because there is always a chance that x indeed is not regretting, at all. Not everyone is mature enough to treat others with kindness and respect, and not everyone is mature enough to see any fault in themselves. Realising that x did what they did with no remorse whatsoever might cause more pain and anger than needed. 

As a subject of wrongdoing, it's always up to us to make the decision whether we're ready to forgive, regardless of how regretful the other person is. Victims of narcissists, for example, might never find a day when the wrongdoer regrets - because s/he is not capable of it. 

Asking waiting-oriented questions in the flavour of "when will things happen to me?" is nothing but a way to frustration. The least we can do with the help of tarot - instead of drawing a card after card hoping for the best - is to ask questions to better understand the situation and what really caused the trouble in the first place. After all, what you believe was the reason for the fall-out, might be completely different to the other party. 

For example, I have a wrong button to push and that's people doubting my creativity or intelligence. I've had arguments where I've jumped into a conclusion that the other person is criticising or belittling these, when in fact, the other person did not mean that at all. Always ask, always clarify, always try to talk things through when both are calmed down. 

I am a firm believer of direct action in terms of taking the initiative. If you strongly feel you want to reconnect with someone, do it. Regardless of who "should" be the first to extend a hand. Contact them. Their response will tell, if the bridge can be rebuilt. If it can't, find a way to move on in peace. That person was not meant to be in your life for longer than this, and whatever happened, taught you both a lesson. Something else, something new is awaiting for you.

Here's a spread I made to examine what went wrong and how to try to reconnect:

1. The core of the matter?
2. How I feel about this matter?
3. How x feels about this matter?
4. How I feel about reconnecting?
5. How x feels about reconnecting?
6. If I contact x, what's the most likely response I get?
7. What's the most likely outcome if I approach x?
8. What's the most likely outcome, if I don't approach x?
9. The lesson of this matter to me?
10. The lesson of this matter to x?

 

How to handle naysayers?

How to deal with people who are putting you or your plans and dreams down? We all have encountered one or two (or a dozen) of those in life and will keep encountering them, both IRL (in real life) and online, there's unfortunately no way out of it. But how to handle those situations without losing your temper, face or self-esteem in the process?

Six years ago, I made a decision to move to Australia. I had lived abroad before and wanted to turn my life around completely, due to general dissatisfaction with my career prospects, climate, and cultural atmosphere in general (pessimistic and whinging) at home. I wanted to see what else is there (btw I absolutely love that song of the same title by Royksopp, a Norweigan duo).

I got two kinds of responses to my foolishly courageous plans to quit my well-paying job, leave everything behind, sell my belongings and hop on a plane with no visibility about if I would succeed. Others thought I'm brave and adventurous. Others said I'm mad and warned me profusely about how I'll fail and regret my choice.

I left anyway.

We all get a cr@ploads of criticism in life: some think we should have kids. Some think we shouldn't have kids. Some think we should have more kids. Some think we should have decided to have fewer kids. Some think we should change jobs. Some think we should stay in our current job. And so on, ad infinitum.

To be able to deal with this, it's essential to figure where the criticism is really coming from. It actually has very little to do with my or your decisions. It has everything to do with the worldview of the critic.

Surprisingly many people have a - subconscious - mindset like this: "Other people's decisions that contradict my life, are critique towards me, hence I have to defend my decision by attacking their decisions; or I need to convert them to believe in my values and worldview."

People with kids can think that childless couples are undermining the value of a family and sacrifices of parents. People in steady (but perhaps dull) jobs can think that more entrepreneurial people are critiquing their decision to stay put instead of chasing dreams they once had.

We are all part of a so called "world-making project" (a word from philosophy and sociology) where other people's behaviour is setting an example for us and vice versa. 

What is common for us to see, we believe is normal, and if our common and normal is questioned, we start fearing that we have to change our lives too at some point in the future, because the normal itself has changed. Or, that our decisions won't be as widely accepted in the future, because we are no longer the norm, the majority, the typical.

This, I believe, is behind the fierce attacks against legalising same sex marriage. Some people in traditional marriages can't stand the idea that their marriage is made "less normal" by expanding the definition of marriage.

My point is that whenever you encounter a naysayer or a critic - regarding your tarot business, alternative lifestyle, pre-Christian religion/spirituality, or anything else under the sun - remember it's not about you. It's about the critic.

It's revealing what their worldview and normal are, and how they are struggling with understanding your normal. It's not a reason to change your beliefs, but it is an opportunity to engage: why is the person so invested in convincing you that you have to change, or change your dreams and plans? How are your dreams and plans "threatening" this person? How can you assure that your normal is, in fact, enriching the world, not taking away from it?

Here's a little spread I devised to explore your own bias, to be mindful of it. 

1. What do I believe about the world? 
2. What in my beliefs is something others find hard to accept?
3. What in others' beliefs is something I find hard to accept?
4. What is the best action for me to take to bridge the gap between me and others (naysayers)?
5. How to build my confidence to believe in my message/dream?

And a sample reading:

1 - 6 PENTACLES Reversed. I believe that everyone has something to give (to me and others). I only have to look for opportunities and take what comes, acknowledge the blessings. I read the 6 Pents rx as me receiving something and 6 Pents upright as me (or the querent) giving something to others.

2 - TEMPERANCE. People don't think it's easy to have a balanced give and take. It takes a lot of effort to understand that when you give, you're not being taken advantage of. If you give freely, it will come back to you in one form or another; and if you receive, you should pay it forward. 

3 - 8 WANDS Reversed. Others believe it's better to keep your thoughts to yourself and not act too fast. I don't believe in non-communication: in fact, I think the world needs more honesty and discussion, genuine attempts to try to understand each other, and more action to sort problems.

4 - FOOL. Don't care, just move on, walk your own path. True! :D

5 - CHARIOT. Trust that you have the willpower to make the life you want, and tell the messages you believe in. Don't budge or dodge, just do it.

If you have a vision, believe in it. If others don't believe in it, it just means they are not on the same mental platform yet. Photo (c) Tarot for Change.